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The 3 SIGNS You're Dealing With A Narcissist & How To SET BOUNDARIES! | Dr. Ramani & Jay Shetty

Jay Shetty Podcast・70 minutes read

Gaslighting involves denying a person's reality, starting with authoritative denials of events. Dr. Ramani emphasizes recognizing and healing from narcissistic relationships, discussing the impact of narcissism on individuals and strategies for navigating toxic behaviors and relationships.

Insights

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that denies a person's reality, progresses by making the victim doubt themselves, and can lead to increased anxiety and self-criticism.
Narcissistic individuals may exhibit charm and charisma, making it challenging for others to recognize their negative behavior, and survivors often attempt to change themselves to maintain the relationship.
Recognizing multiple truths in relationships, setting healthy boundaries, and avoiding unnecessary arguments are crucial strategies for navigating toxic relationships and protecting one's emotional and physical well-being.

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Recent questions

What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting involves denying a person's reality, causing self-doubt.

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Summary

00:00

Understanding Gaslighting and Narcissism in Relationships

Gaslighting involves denying a person's reality, starting with authoritative denials of events.
Jay Shetty hosts the top Health and Wellness podcast "On Purpose," thanking listeners for their support.
Dr. Ramani, a licensed clinical psychologist, author, and podcast host, is the guest on the show.
Dr. Ramani's interest in narcissism began in 2003 during healthcare research on demanding patients.
Her clinical practice revealed recurring relationship stories linked to narcissism.
Dr. Ramani's book "Should I Stay or Should I Go" stemmed from clients' requests for email summaries.
She transitioned to YouTube, expanding her reach and addressing mental health issues.
Dr. Ramani emphasizes the importance of recognizing and healing from narcissistic relationships.
Narcissism has historical roots, with psychology only recently focusing on its impact.
Dr. Ramani defines narcissism as a personality style and distinguishes it from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, emphasizing the need for professional diagnosis.

14:21

Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Treatment

To diagnose someone with narcissistic personality disorder, they must exhibit subjective distress or social and occupational impairment.
Many narcissistic individuals lack awareness or discomfort about their behavior, often feeling on top of the world with success and power.
People with narcissistic personalities rarely seek treatment for their personality disorder, usually seeking therapy for other issues like relationship problems or substance use.
Therapists may focus on treating acute issues like depression or anxiety in individuals with narcissistic personality disorder, overlooking the underlying personality traits.
Personality is foundational and remains consistent over time, influencing behavior and reactions to therapy.
Temperament, a genetic component, plays a significant role in shaping personality from infancy, impacting attachment experiences and potential development of narcissistic traits.
Trauma and adverse childhood experiences can contribute to the development of narcissistic personality traits, affecting attachment styles and behavior in adulthood.
Overindulgence and being told they are more special than others can also lead to narcissistic traits in children, but not all individuals with these experiences develop narcissism.
People often do not realize they are in a relationship with a narcissistic individual until after they leave, as narcissistic traits can be attractive and charming, leading to a cycle of good and bad days.
Narcissistic individuals may exhibit charm, charisma, confidence, and ambition, making it challenging for others to recognize the negative aspects of their behavior.

28:25

Navigating Narcissism: Love Bombing and Gaslighting

The text discusses the concept of narcissism in relationships, likening it to extreme weather conditions alternating between good and bad days.
The author mentions having produced 30 episodes on narcissism in their podcast, highlighting the confusion caused by good memories in toxic relationships.
It is noted that red flags in relationships are often recognized after a couple of years, with cognitive dissonance leading individuals to ignore warning signs.
Love bombing, lasting from six weeks to a year, is described as addictive, with individuals struggling to navigate the shift from idealization to devaluation.
Narcissistic individuals are resistant to change, with survivors often attempting to change themselves to maintain the relationship.
The text emphasizes the importance of recognizing multiple truths in relationships, rather than categorizing actions as solely good or bad.
A healthy relationship is defined as kind, compassionate, flexible, respectful, cooperative, collaborative, equitable, self-aware, and growth-oriented.
The addictive nature of love bombing is compared to a sugar rush, addressing deficits in individuals' lives and offering a false sense of validation.
Strategies to navigate love bombing include setting boundaries, testing commitment levels, and recognizing gaslighting behavior.
Gaslighting is explained as a form of psychological manipulation that denies a person's reality, often used by narcissistic individuals to dominate their partners.

42:27

Recognizing and Responding to Gaslighting Techniques

Gaslighting involves denying events or making someone doubt their perception.
Gaslighting progresses by making the victim feel something is wrong with them.
Gaslighting often occurs repeatedly over time, causing the victim to doubt themselves.
Gaslighting is based on trust, making it more effective from trusted individuals.
Gaslighting can lead the victim to blame themselves and lose self-confidence.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that breaks down the victim's spirit.
Gaslighting involves lying wrapped in invalidation, different from simple lying.
Gaslighting can lead to increased anxiety, self-doubt, and self-criticism.
Recognizing gaslighting in real-time requires self-awareness and self-work.
Responding to gaslighting may involve disengaging and self-compassion.

56:21

Navigating Toxic Relationships: Strategies for Survival

12-step programs can be helpful in addressing addiction issues.
The book "Should I Stay or Should I Go" discusses how around 50% of people choose to stay in relationships for various reasons like finances, children, religion, culture, or love.
Therapists aim to understand and support individuals in their decisions regarding relationships without judgment.
Using the metaphor of entering a tiger's cage, survivors may need to experience toxic situations firsthand to understand the reality.
Individuation is crucial in narcissistic relationships, allowing individuals to reclaim their authenticity and protect themselves.
Neutral conversation topics like weather can be essential in navigating difficult relationships.
Setting healthy boundaries, finding support from friends and community, and avoiding unnecessary arguments are key strategies for those in toxic relationships.
Depletion from engaging with toxic individuals can lead to physical and emotional health issues.
People may adopt defensive behaviors in response to narcissistic behavior, leading to compassion fatigue and burnout.
Dr. Romney recommends books like "Should I Stay or Should I Go" and "Don't You Know Who I Am" for practical advice on navigating narcissistic relationships and maintaining sanity.

01:10:32

Healing trauma through storytelling and education.

Survivors of trauma carry a unique beauty, with their wounds being where light enters them, allowing them to connect with others who have gone through similar experiences, leading to a depth in their inner beauty and a loss of innocence.
The work of healing from trauma, particularly narcissism, is emphasized through storytelling in the podcast "Navigating Narcissism," with a focus on educating and supporting individuals in recognizing and addressing toxic behaviors, with resources like books and recommended content provided for further guidance.

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