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Why Narcissists Love Borderline Women and Why They Hate Them Back

Prof. Sam Vaknin・33 minutes read

The speaker delves into the dynamics of relationships between narcissists and borderlines, discussing concepts of mortification, emotional needs, and self-destructive behaviors. Borderline individuals and narcissists engage in toxic partnerships to experience pain, mortification, and a sense of aliveness, often reenacting unresolved conflicts to feel alive.

Insights

  • Narcissists are attracted to borderline individuals for their ability to provoke mortification and emotional responses, leading to a complex dynamic of emotional manipulation and aggression.
  • Borderline individuals engage in self-destructive behaviors and toxic relationships with narcissists as a way to negate their own existence and reenact unresolved conflicts, creating a cycle of pain and emotional intensity in their interactions.

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Recent questions

  • Why do narcissists love borderlines?

    They seek emotional intensity and potential for mortification.

  • How do narcissists cope with mortification?

    By deflating themselves or seeking revenge.

  • What is the relationship between narcissistic mortification and romantic jealousy?

    They involve different emotional triggers and responses.

  • Why do borderline individuals engage in self-destructive behaviors?

    To negate boundaries and avoid being present.

  • What are the consequences of toxic relationships between narcissists and borderlines?

    Borderline individuals may struggle with existence and intense dissociation.

Related videos

Summary

00:00

"Narcissistic Mortification: Coping and Revenge Strategies"

  • The speaker discusses a recent video where the sound and image were out of sync, likening it to a metaphor for their life.
  • They mention finding solace in someone named Minnie, who provides them with coffee and meets their needs.
  • The topic of the day is why narcissists love borderlines and why borderlines hate them back.
  • The distinction between narcissistic injury and mortification is explained, with mortification challenging the entirety of the false self.
  • Internal mortification is when a narcissist takes full responsibility for their actions, feeling guilty not for hurting others but for being mortified.
  • The speaker delves into the concept of narcissistic modification, where the narcissist's entire self collapses, leaving them feeling exposed and vulnerable.
  • Borderlines are described as failed narcissists, with both experiencing inner emptiness when their false self is shattered.
  • Strategies used by narcissists to cope with mortification include deflating themselves and inflating the aggressor to regain control.
  • Another strategy involves seeking revenge by debasing the aggressor and minimizing the impact of their actions.
  • The speaker addresses the difference between mortification and romantic jealousy, highlighting scenarios where infidelity can lead to mortification in narcissists and psychopaths.

18:29

"Narcissistic Mortification and Borderline Relationships"

  • Romantic jealousy is not about sex but about intimacy, loss, rejection, and abandonment.
  • The risk of losing one's spouse to an elderly person is minimal, but emotional intimacy can still pose a threat to a marriage.
  • Narcissistic mortification is distinct from romantic jealousy, involving feelings of shame, inferiority, and criticism.
  • Narcissists are attracted to borderline women due to their potential to cause mortification and push emotional buttons.
  • Borderline and narcissistic individuals cater to each other's emotional needs and unresolved conflicts.
  • Borderline women provoke narcissistic aggression when they try to fit societal roles, as the narcissist seeks pain and modification.
  • Narcissists seek mortification to feel alive and experience a sense of self, akin to self-mutilation.
  • Mortification allows the narcissist to break free from the false self and experience a sense of freedom and aliveness.
  • Narcissists engage in human sacrifice by sacrificing their true selves to the false self, seeking validation and greatness.
  • Mortification through relationships with borderline individuals allows the narcissist to feel alive, sexually aroused, and liberated from commitments.

37:55

Borderline Personality Disorder: Suicide, Dissociation, Toxic Relationships

  • 11% of individuals with borderline personality disorder end up committing suicide due to their intense dissociation and struggle with existence.
  • Borderline individuals engage in self-destructive behaviors like alcoholism, drug use, and promiscuous sex to negate their boundaries and avoid being present.
  • Borderline individuals often form toxic relationships with narcissists, where the narcissist helps the borderline not to exist by rejecting, abusing, and ignoring them.
  • The narcissist's partnership with a borderline is not to resolve past conflicts but to relive them, seeking to experience pain and mortification to feel alive.
  • Borderline individuals, in their relationship with narcissists, aim to reenact unresolved conflicts with their mothers, causing pain to resurrect the narcissist and make him feel alive.
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