Love Your Narcissist? Make Him Stay, Depend on You (Tips, Resolutions)
Prof. Sam Vaknin・23 minutes read
The text explores the allure of narcissists and the addictive nature of their presence, providing strategies on how to effectively deal with them while maintaining emotional and financial independence. It emphasizes understanding oneself, setting boundaries, demanding respect, and prioritizing self-care in relationships with narcissists.
Insights
- Narcissists can be alluring due to the excitement and fulfillment they initially provide, but staying in touch with them can gradually deteriorate one's well-being, akin to osmotic poisoning.
- The text introduces the concept of an inverted narcissist who thrives in a relationship with a narcissist, emphasizes the importance of not challenging a narcissist's self-image, and provides strategies for managing relationships with narcissists, including maintaining independence and setting boundaries.
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Recent questions
How do narcissists affect one's well-being?
Narcissists can gradually deteriorate one's well-being by causing osmotic poisoning, leading to negative impacts on mental and emotional health.
Why are some individuals drawn to narcissists?
Some individuals, especially women, may be drawn to narcissists due to unmet emotional needs or dysfunctional attachment styles, seeking fulfillment through their presence.
What strategies can be used to deal with a narcissist?
Strategies for dealing with a narcissist include catering to their ego, avoiding reminders of reality, and making them dependent on you through child psychology techniques.
How can one maintain independence from a narcissist?
It is important to maintain emotional and financial independence from a narcissist by saving money discreetly, refusing to be upset by their actions, and focusing on self-care.
What is the key to handling a relationship with a narcissist?
The key to handling a relationship with a narcissist is to focus on understanding yourself, setting clear boundaries, demanding respect, and prioritizing self-care to maintain your well-being.
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Summary
00:00
Navigating Narcissism: Understanding, Coping, and Thriving
- The text discusses the allure of narcissists and the addictive nature of their presence in one's life, providing a sense of excitement and fulfillment.
- The author, who claims to have invented the no contact strategy for dealing with narcissists, faced backlash initially but now acknowledges its effectiveness as mainstream advice.
- Staying in touch with a narcissist is likened to osmotic poisoning, gradually deteriorating one's well-being.
- Some individuals, particularly women, may find themselves drawn to narcissists due to unmet emotional needs or dysfunctional attachment styles.
- The text introduces the concept of an inverted narcissist who thrives in a relationship with a narcissist, deriving a sense of self from the narcissist's reflected glory.
- Despite the general advice to leave a narcissist, the text provides insider tips for those who choose to stay, emphasizing strategies to keep the narcissist happy and engaged.
- Five key points are highlighted as things to avoid when dealing with a narcissist to prevent provoking their rage or abuse.
- Practical advice is given on how to cater to a narcissist's ego by expressing admiration and support for their accomplishments and attributes.
- The importance of not reminding the narcissist of reality or challenging their self-image is stressed to maintain their sense of grandiosity.
- Strategies for making a narcissist dependent on you and ensuring they want to stay in the relationship are outlined, including listening attentively, offering unique qualities, and being patient like dealing with a young child.
20:23
Navigating a Relationship with a Narcissist
- Interact with the narcissist using child psychology techniques, being endlessly giving without expecting anything in return.
- Maintain emotional and financial independence from the narcissist, saving money discreetly for a rainy day.
- Refuse to be upset or hurt by the narcissist's actions, using silence or cold detachment as responses.
- Use manipulative techniques to counter the narcissist's manipulations, including discreetly seeking sexual fulfillment outside the relationship if needed.
- Focus on fixing situations rather than trying to fix the narcissist, as they are not fixable and may resent attempts to change them.
- Help the narcissist become aware of their condition gradually and subtly, without confrontation or negative implications.
- Focus on understanding yourself and your motivations in the relationship, setting clear boundaries, demanding respect, and prioritizing self-care.
- Make personal resolutions to treat yourself with dignity, set boundaries, not tolerate abuse, be assertive about your needs, and prioritize self-knowledge and self-care.
