Why We Become “Too Nice” When We Like Someone
Matthew Hussey・24 minutes read
Feeling resentful in relationships where one can't be authentic leads to a shift in behavior and the desire for perfection. Building genuine connections and relationships requires authenticity, setting boundaries, and being true to oneself to avoid damaging behaviors and foster lasting connections.
Insights
- The text emphasizes the significance of authenticity, setting boundaries, and confidence in building genuine relationships, rather than focusing on impressing others with convenience and non-offensive behavior.
- It highlights the importance of recognizing damaging behaviors in relationships, such as prioritizing impressing over connecting, and the need to regain personal power by being true to oneself to foster true attraction and meaningful connections.
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Recent questions
How can one regain personal power in relationships?
By recognizing damaging behaviors and setting boundaries.
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Summary
00:00
Navigating Authenticity and Connection in Relationships
- Feeling resentful later in life due to not being able to be oneself in a relationship that only functions when saying yes.
- Questioning why people become overly nice with someone they like, leading to a shift in behavior.
- Instant attraction to someone, feeling nervous about approaching them due to perceived attractiveness.
- Transition from finding someone attractive to genuinely liking them after spending time together.
- Moment of connection with someone leading to a change in behavior and increased importance placed on them.
- Increased importance of someone leading to high stakes, fear of mistakes, and desire for perfection.
- Behavioral patterns changing when stakes are high, similar to sports environments.
- Need to redress the balance and regain personal power in relationships by recognizing damaging behaviors.
- Damaging behaviors include focusing on impressing rather than connecting, leading to a lack of authenticity.
- Importance of showing authenticity, setting boundaries, and being confident in oneself to build genuine attraction and relationships.
17:05
"Authenticity and Confidence in Building Relationships"
- Value in relationships is tied to being amenable, blending in, never saying no, always saying yes, and being convenient and non-offensive.
- The analogy of being like a minibar in a relationship emphasizes being easily available, expensive, and high value due to convenience.
- Confidence and passion in life lead to successful interactions with others, focusing on genuine connections rather than status.
- The importance of being true to oneself in relationships is highlighted, as blending in and censoring oneself leads to average connections and potential rejection.
- The choice between being rejected for one's true self or a false version is discussed, with the preference for authenticity to potentially find genuine connections.
- Building self-worth involves realizing no one is more important than oneself, avoiding putting others on pedestals, and valuing personal achievements over superficial traits.
- Dazzling someone in a relationship should focus on genuine connection rather than trying to impress with text messages or lines, as authenticity is crucial for lasting relationships.
