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Why Is No One Having Sex? - Alex DatePsych

Chris Williamson・2 minutes read

Dating apps have a significant gender imbalance, with three men for every one woman, leading to attention disparities. Women tend to be more selective on dating apps, while the promiscuous 10% contribute significantly to STD rates, emphasizing the need for safe practices.

Insights

  • Dating apps exhibit a significant gender disparity, resulting in attention imbalances, with women being more selective and receiving more likes and messages than men.
  • Research on attractiveness challenges the Dual Mate Hypothesis, highlighting that women's preferences for physically attractive men remain consistent regardless of ovulation, debunking the belief in distinct short-term and long-term mate choices.
  • Transition from Pick Up Artist (PUA) to Incel communities indicates a shift in attitudes towards dating and relationships, influenced by low resilience to rejection and negative experiences, shaping cynical beliefs about long-term commitments.

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Recent questions

  • How do dating apps affect gender ratios?

    Dating apps have a significant gender disparity, with about three men for every one woman. This imbalance leads to attention imbalances, where the top percentage of men garner most attention due to the gender gap. Approximately 66% of men have no match due to the ratio alone, highlighting the impact of gender ratios on dating app dynamics.

  • What are common fears in approaching women?

    A significant portion of single men fear approaching women due to concerns about being seen as creepy. Despite this fear, women often desire men to make the first move in dating interactions. This fear of being perceived as creepy can hinder men from initiating relationships, showcasing the complexities of dating dynamics and social expectations.

  • How has online dating impacted relationship formation?

    While online dating is prevalent, only about 10-20% of Americans meet through online platforms, with most still meeting in public. Social media and online interactions have changed the dynamics of forming relationships and engaging in risky behaviors. Men and women are more cautious in approaching relationships due to fear of rejection and public scrutiny, showcasing the evolving landscape of modern dating.

  • What factors influence attractiveness perceptions?

    Research shows that long-term happiness is resilient, even after adverse life events like accidents or prison time. Individuals tend to adjust and become resilient in terms of happiness over time, regardless of life circumstances. While physical attractiveness plays a role in initial perceptions, long-term happiness and relationship success are influenced by various factors beyond looks.

  • How do societal trends impact relationship dynamics?

    The decrease in alcohol consumption among young people is linked to a rise in sexlessness and fewer relationships. Young adults are extending their adolescence, using less alcohol, and engaging in fewer risky behaviors. About half of individuals under 30 report not actively seeking a partner, contributing to the rise in singleness. These societal trends reflect shifting attitudes towards relationships and dating practices in contemporary society.

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Summary

00:00

Gender Disparity in Dating Apps and Creepy Behavior

  • Dating apps have a significant gender disparity, with about three men for every one woman.
  • This imbalance leads to approximately 66% of men having no match due to the ratio alone.
  • The top percentage of men garner most attention due to this gender gap.
  • The speaker holds an undergraduate degree in Psychology and is pursuing a second master's in Behavioral and Cognitive Neuroscience.
  • Relationships have been a crucial aspect of the speaker's life, sparking an interest in attractiveness and dating psychology.
  • Online subcultures like the manosphere have influenced the speaker's exploration of attractiveness and dating perceptions.
  • A significant portion of single men fear approaching women due to concerns about being seen as creepy.
  • Despite this fear, women often desire men to make the first move in dating interactions.
  • While online dating is prevalent, only about 10-20% of Americans meet through online platforms, with most still meeting in public.
  • There is a discrepancy between men's fear of being perceived as creepy and women's actual perceptions of what constitutes creepy behavior.

13:44

Changing Dynamics of Relationships and Dating Trends

  • Melinda Gates was a receptionist at Microsoft in the 1980s when Bill Gates noticed her and asked her out.
  • Bill Gates initially asked Melinda out for a date, but she declined, citing his lack of spontaneity.
  • Bill Gates then called back 30 minutes later, offering Melinda the rest of the afternoon off as a spontaneous gesture.
  • The dynamics of workplace relationships and the nuances of flirtation versus genuine interest are discussed.
  • The decrease in alcohol consumption among young people is linked to a rise in sexlessness and fewer relationships.
  • Young adults are extending their adolescence, using less alcohol, and engaging in fewer risky behaviors.
  • About half of individuals under 30 report not actively seeking a partner, contributing to the rise in singleness.
  • Social media and online interactions have changed the dynamics of forming relationships and engaging in risky behaviors.
  • Men and women are more cautious in approaching relationships due to fear of rejection and public scrutiny.
  • Women's standards in dating may not have risen significantly due to factors like obesity, education, and employment achievements.

27:42

Resilience and Happiness in Changing Relationships

  • Research shows that long-term happiness is resilient, even after adverse life events like accidents or prison time.
  • Individuals tend to adjust and become resilient in terms of happiness over time, regardless of life circumstances.
  • Long-term singleness may not directly impact happiness, but a focus on relationship goals can lead to ongoing frustration.
  • Data from the General Social Survey in 2001 indicates stability in relationships, with about 60% of men in the youngest cohort being single.
  • The percentage of single young men has been increasing since 2012 but has remained stable for those in their 30s.
  • Trends in male success at young ages may lead to a shift in attitudes over time, as individuals grow and gain confidence.
  • Dating apps have a significant gender disparity, with about three men for every one woman, leading to attention imbalances.
  • Women tend to be more selective on dating apps, receiving more likes and messages than men.
  • About half of people on dating apps report being happy with them, with half also reporting having gone on a date through the app.
  • The promiscuous 10% of the population, both men and women, are responsible for a significant portion of sexually transmitted diseases, highlighting the importance of safe practices.

42:16

Evolutionary Mate Preferences and Misconceptions

  • The mating hypothesis was founded by Bus and David Buss, who later reassessed the data and recanted the original theory.
  • The issue lies in the lack of exposure for retractions compared to the original accusations, leading to the persistence of the original theory despite the study's authors discrediting it.
  • David West's recent paper titled "Sexual Strategies Theory 2021" discusses short and long-term strategies, highlighting the prevalence of mate-switching over distinct strategies.
  • The Dual Mate Hypothesis of ovulatory shifts suggested women are more attracted to men with good genes during ovulation, but this theory has not replicated well.
  • The reassessment by Bus and Schmidt expanded the definition of good genes beyond physical traits to include intelligence and pro-social behavior, challenging the original theory's focus solely on physical attractiveness.
  • Women's preferences for physically attractive men do not change during ovulation, debunking the belief that women seek different partners for short-term and long-term relationships.
  • The Good Genes Immune Competence Testosterone Hypothesis, suggesting high testosterone signals good genes, has not replicated well, questioning the evolutionary significance of certain traits.
  • Women's behavior and reports indicate a lack of significant shifts in mate preferences for short-term and long-term relationships, undermining the Dual Mate Hypothesis's core premise.
  • Research on incels reveals that looks do play a role in attractiveness, but personality traits like anxiety, depression, and autism can significantly impact relationship formation.
  • Men often misinterpret what women find attractive, with research showing that extreme masculine features are not universally appealing, and women may prefer average, symmetrical faces over highly dimorphic ones.

56:18

Variation in Attractiveness Ratings Among Individuals

  • Most people agree on what an attractive face is when viewed as a group.
  • However, when individuals are randomly selected from the group, there is a lot of variation in their opinions on attractive faces.
  • A study by researcher Honeycomb in 2016 showed that even unattractive faces received both high and low ratings.
  • A recent survey using faces from the Chicago face database found that even unattractive faces received positive ratings from about 25% of participants.
  • Ratings on attractiveness were consistent among participants and correlated with pre-ratings.
  • Despite general agreement on attractiveness, every face had individuals rating it highly and lowly.
  • The transition from Pick Up Artist (PUA) communities to Incel communities was observed in a study using network analysis on various forums.
  • Many individuals moved from PUA to Incel communities, indicating a shift in attitudes towards dating and relationships.
  • Low resilience in handling rejection or negative experiences can influence individuals' perceptions and behaviors in dating communities.
  • Online narratives and forums can shape individuals' beliefs about relationships, leading to cynicism and bitterness towards long-term commitments.

01:09:40

Heritability of Divorce and Attractiveness Traits

  • Children of divorced parents are more likely to divorce, raising questions about heritability of divorce behaviors.
  • Heritability estimates are often determined through twin studies, comparing monozygotic and dizygotic twins.
  • Infidelity and divorce are behaviors that may have heritable components.
  • The likelihood of someone who has cheated before to cheat again is not as high as commonly believed.
  • Facial attractiveness likely has a high heritability due to being a physical feature.
  • Environmental effects on physical appearance can impact facial attractiveness over time.
  • The "sexy son" hypothesis suggests that women find men attractive based on potential genetic benefits for future offspring.
  • Traits that are attractive can be propagated over time, leading to a runaway effect.
  • Fisherian runaway can occur when traits become so attractive that they become detrimental to survival.
  • Decline in sexual desire by relationship length is more pronounced in women than in men, possibly due to various factors like the libido gap, aging, and hormonal birth control effects.

01:23:54

Navigating Gender Perspectives in Online Discourse

  • The speaker discusses how different perspectives can lead to varied interpretations of their work, with some labeling them as an incel or a feminist based on personal biases.
  • They emphasize their impartiality and commitment to reporting research findings objectively, even if they may portray men or women negatively at times.
  • The speaker notes the adversarial nature of online discussions about men and women, highlighting the insights gained from female evolutionary psychology researchers who critique women as well.
  • They stress the importance of understanding intersexual and intrasexual competition in dating dynamics, pointing out that individuals compete within their own gender groups rather than against the opposite sex.
  • The speaker warns against narratives that promote division by demonizing an out-group, citing examples from both men's and women's advice communities where negativity towards the opposite gender hinders relationship success.
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