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I’ve been living like an animal for 13 years. So here’s why

Asmongold TV・2 minutes read

The speaker shares their journey from childhood struggles with conformity and emotional disconnect to embracing an unconventional lifestyle rooted in personal exploration and detachment from societal norms. Despite facing significant hardships, including their mother's health decline and their own emotional distress, they find empowerment in living authentically while successfully navigating a career in streaming.

Insights

  • The speaker's unconventional lifestyle, characterized by unique choices and a rejection of societal norms, stems from a profound personal journey that began in adolescence, where they transitioned from a conscientious child seeking acceptance to an individual embracing what they describe as "degenerate" behavior, reflecting a deeper exploration of identity and authenticity.
  • Despite facing significant challenges, including financial struggles and the emotional toll of caring for their ailing mother, the speaker has found a sense of agency and happiness in their life choices, particularly through their successful streaming career, which allows them to maintain their distinctive lifestyle while expressing gratitude for the support they receive from their online community.

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Recent questions

  • What is a degenerate lifestyle?

    A degenerate lifestyle typically refers to behaviors or choices that deviate from societal norms, often associated with a lack of concern for conventional standards of morality or health. This can include engaging in activities that are considered reckless, irresponsible, or harmful, both to oneself and to others. Individuals who embrace a degenerate lifestyle may prioritize personal freedom and self-expression over societal expectations, leading to choices that might be viewed as unconventional or controversial. Such a lifestyle can stem from various factors, including personal experiences, emotional struggles, or a desire to reject mainstream values. Ultimately, the term reflects a complex interplay between individual identity and societal perceptions, highlighting the challenges and consequences of living outside accepted norms.

  • How can I cope with emotional distress?

    Coping with emotional distress involves a variety of strategies aimed at managing feelings of sadness, anxiety, or overwhelm. One effective approach is to engage in self-care practices, such as maintaining a healthy lifestyle through regular exercise, balanced nutrition, and adequate sleep. Additionally, seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals can provide a valuable outlet for expressing feelings and gaining perspective. Mindfulness and relaxation techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, can also help reduce stress and promote emotional well-being. It’s important to acknowledge and validate one’s feelings, allowing for a healthy processing of emotions rather than suppressing them. Ultimately, finding coping mechanisms that resonate personally can lead to improved emotional resilience and a greater sense of control over one’s mental health.

  • What are the signs of poor health?

    Signs of poor health can manifest in various physical, emotional, and behavioral symptoms. Physically, individuals may experience fatigue, unexplained weight changes, persistent pain, or frequent illnesses, which can indicate underlying health issues. Emotional signs may include increased irritability, anxiety, or feelings of hopelessness, suggesting a decline in mental well-being. Behavioral changes, such as neglecting personal hygiene, withdrawing from social interactions, or engaging in risky activities, can also signal poor health. Additionally, significant changes in appetite or sleep patterns may reflect an overall decline in health. Recognizing these signs early is crucial for seeking appropriate medical attention and making lifestyle adjustments to improve one’s overall well-being.

  • What causes emotional detachment?

    Emotional detachment can arise from various factors, including past trauma, mental health issues, or learned behaviors from childhood. Individuals who have experienced significant loss, such as the death of a loved one or a painful breakup, may develop emotional detachment as a coping mechanism to protect themselves from further pain. Additionally, conditions like depression or anxiety can lead to feelings of numbness or disconnection from emotions. Social experiences, such as feeling misunderstood or rejected, can also contribute to a reluctance to engage emotionally with others. While emotional detachment can provide temporary relief from distress, it may hinder the ability to form meaningful relationships and experience joy, highlighting the importance of addressing underlying issues and seeking support when needed.

  • How can I improve my self-identity?

    Improving self-identity involves a journey of self-discovery and personal growth, where individuals explore their values, beliefs, and passions. One effective way to enhance self-identity is through reflection, which can be facilitated by journaling or engaging in conversations with trusted friends or mentors. Setting personal goals and pursuing interests that resonate with one’s authentic self can also foster a stronger sense of identity. Additionally, embracing experiences that challenge comfort zones, such as trying new activities or meeting diverse groups of people, can provide valuable insights into one’s preferences and strengths. It’s essential to practice self-compassion and allow for growth, recognizing that self-identity is a dynamic process that evolves over time. Ultimately, cultivating a positive self-identity leads to greater confidence and fulfillment in life.

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Summary

00:00

Embracing Unconventionality Amidst Life's Challenges

  • The speaker addresses a recurring question about their unconventional lifestyle, which has drawn curiosity and concern from others, particularly regarding bizarre items like a "dead rat alarm clock" and a "barbecue puke shower curtain."
  • They reveal that their current behavior is a relatively recent development, beginning in high school and intensifying around the ages of 21 to 23, marking a significant shift in their life.
  • As a child, the speaker was conscientious and eager to be perceived positively, struggling to relate to others and feeling different due to a unique moral perspective that often led to social difficulties.
  • They recount a childhood incident where they intentionally injured a peer during a baseball game, highlighting their emotional disconnect and the realization that their feelings did not align with societal expectations.
  • Throughout middle and high school, the speaker attempted to conform to social norms, caring about appearance and acceptance, but ultimately recognized the superficiality of these efforts and began to forge their own identity around the age of 14 or 15.
  • The speaker experienced a lack of romantic success in high school, which contributed to their growing disconnection from societal expectations and a realization that they did not want to be like others.
  • They describe a period of intense personal exploration and rejection of societal norms during their late teenage years, leading to a lifestyle characterized by what they refer to as "degenerate" behavior, which they do not regret.
  • Financial struggles marked their upbringing, with their mother often living below the poverty line, which forced the speaker to take on adult responsibilities early, including caring for their mother as her health declined.
  • The speaker details their mother's deteriorating health due to lifestyle choices, including smoking and poor diet, which compounded their financial and emotional burdens as they navigated adulthood.
  • They conclude with vivid imagery of their living conditions, emphasizing the challenges of their environment, including inadequate heating and the stress of potential eviction, which further shaped their perspective on life and societal norms.

12:51

Resilience Through Struggles and Transformation

  • The narrator describes a challenging two-year period marked by financial struggles and the deteriorating health of their mother, which increasingly required them to provide full support.
  • The mother experienced severe health issues, leading to her inability to drive, work, or care for herself, causing emotional distress for the narrator, who often heard her calling for help at night.
  • The narrator reflects on their past, acknowledging personal faults and hardships, and emphasizes that they do not seek sympathy but rather wish to share their experiences for understanding.
  • During their teenage years, the narrator neglected dental hygiene, resulting in significant tooth decay and the loss of most of their teeth, leaving them with only five remaining by adulthood.
  • The narrator's dental issues required multiple extractions and fillings, which were financially burdensome, leading to a change in their jaw structure and a sense of irreversible damage to their health.
  • They recount a period of feeling disconnected from peers who were progressing in life while they faced fears of homelessness and the potential loss of their mother.
  • After a series of unsatisfactory jobs, including a stint at Sam's Club, the narrator decided to return to college with aspirations of attending law school, inspired by a friend's strategic thinking in games.
  • The narrator began streaming as a means to earn money, initially setting donation goals to fund basic needs, which led to a successful streaming career and a growing online presence.
  • As their streaming career progressed, the narrator became more introverted, focusing on content creation while distancing themselves from friends and social interactions.
  • The narrator reflects on their age, feeling disconnected from their actual age of 34, and describes their lifestyle, which includes embracing their unique circumstances and not being affected by external criticism.

25:01

Navigating Struggles and Seeking Authenticity

  • The narrator describes a period of personal struggle, including dental issues that led to using pliers to break off rotten teeth, indicating a lack of care for their physical health during this time.
  • The narrator experienced significant emotional distress due to the death of their mother in 2021, who was 70 years old, and the deterioration of their relationship with her, which they found frustrating and painful.
  • Concurrently, the narrator faced a breakup with a long-term girlfriend and dealt with their father's severe health issues, including pneumonia four times in one year, which added to their stress and sense of responsibility as the primary caregiver.
  • The narrator reflects on their emotional detachment from others, stating that they have tried to reduce their emotional investment in relationships to cope with the fear of loss, leading to a sense of isolation but also a feeling of relief.
  • A pivotal moment occurred when the narrator had a blood pressure reading of 194, prompting them to reassess their health and mortality, realizing they were not as emotionally prepared for death as they had believed.
  • The narrator discusses their coping mechanism of not caring about the opinions of others, which they believe has contributed to their happiness, despite acknowledging that this detachment may be pathological.
  • They express a sense of agency over their life choices, stating that they have not changed their lifestyle significantly despite financial success from streaming, and they continue to live in the same house and maintain the same routines.
  • The narrator concludes by emphasizing their desire to live authentically and experience life on their own terms, while remaining open to the possibility of change in the future, and expresses gratitude to their supporters.
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