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I met a Danish man online, got married and had two children then I found out the worst about him|LNN

Lynn Ngugi・2 minutes read

Melissa, a mother of two, shares her journey of overcoming challenges, rebuilding after leaving a toxic relationship, and emphasizing the importance of recognizing red flags in relationships while inspiring others with her story. Despite legal complexities and emotional struggles, she ultimately decides against allowing her children's father back into their lives due to a lack of remorse, highlighting the healing process post-divorce and the importance of having a supportive community in difficult times.

Insights

  • Melissa, a mother of two, shares her journey of resilience, attributing her strength to unmerited favor from God, inspiring others with her story of overcoming challenges.
  • Melissa emphasizes the importance of recognizing red flags in relationships, warning against losing oneself in a relationship with a narcissistic partner.
  • Despite legal complexities and emotional struggles, Melissa decides against allowing her children's father back into their lives due to a lack of remorse, prioritizing the safety and well-being of her children.
  • The speaker underscores the significance of having a supportive community, turning to God, counseling, and friends for guidance, highlighting the importance of sharing experiences to help others facing similar challenges.

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Recent questions

  • What challenges did Melissa face in her marriage?

    Melissa faced challenges like discovering child pornography on her husband's computer, leading to a realization that the marriage was irreparable. Despite her husband seeking therapy and playing the victim, Melissa decided to separate to protect her children from the harmful environment. She struggled with keeping her husband's involvement in child pornography a secret for almost two years before confiding in her sister-in-law and eventually reporting him to the authorities. This decision marked a turning point in her journey towards seeking full custody of her children and prioritizing their safety and well-being above all else.

  • How did Melissa navigate legal complexities post-divorce?

    Post-divorce, Melissa faced legal complexities due to Danish citizenship laws and the possibility of losing custody of her children. Despite these challenges, she pursued a divorce to ensure her safety and that of her children. The decision to seek full custody of her children strained her relationship with her husband's family, but Melissa remained steadfast in her commitment to protecting her children. Through therapy, support from friends, and a strong faith in God, Melissa found peace and victory in the legal battles she encountered, ultimately rebuilding her life and reclaiming her personal identity after a long and arduous journey.

  • What support system did Melissa rely on during her struggles?

    Melissa emphasized the importance of having a support system, especially when living abroad and facing challenging situations. She found solace in her church community, received counseling sessions, and sought wisdom from God to guide her decision-making process. Cultivating relationships and not isolating oneself, especially in a different culture, was advised for times of need. Despite the emotional struggles and legal complexities she faced, Melissa found strength in her support system, ultimately leading to a sense of peace and victory in her journey.

  • How did Melissa's faith play a role in her decision-making?

    Melissa turned towards God for guidance and wisdom during her difficult times, relying on her faith to navigate the challenges she encountered. She attributed her resilience and ability to overcome obstacles to unmerited favor from God, highlighting the role of grace in her journey. Melissa's faith not only provided her with a sense of peace and strength but also guided her through the decision-making process, ultimately leading her to prioritize her children's safety and well-being above all else.

  • What message does Melissa aim to convey through her story?

    Melissa's story aims to help others understand the pain experienced by her and her children, emphasizing the importance of sharing experiences for the benefit of others. She encourages individuals facing similar challenges to reach out for help, offering resources and support to those in need. By sharing her journey of resilience, rebuilding, and reclaiming her identity, Melissa conveys a message of hope and empowerment, reminding viewers that they are not alone in their struggles and encouraging them to seek support and share their stories.

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Summary

00:00

Melissa's Journey: Resilience Amid Challenges

  • The speaker recounts a moment where they froze after being slapped while holding their son, then proceeded to bang the perpetrator's head on the floor.
  • They discovered pornographic images on a device, leading to feelings of guilt and considering seeking full custody of their children.
  • The speaker is introduced as Melissa, a mother of two, who aims to inspire others with her story of overcoming challenges.
  • Melissa describes herself as a product of grace, attributing her resilience to unmerited favor from God.
  • She reflects on her journey of rebuilding after leaving a toxic relationship and rediscovering her passions like writing.
  • Melissa warns against losing oneself in a relationship with a narcissistic partner and the importance of recognizing red flags.
  • She shares her childhood love for reading, talents discovered in high school, and the opportunity to study in Germany as an au pair.
  • Melissa's life took a turn when her mother was allegedly attacked, leading to her return home and feelings of betrayal and confusion.
  • Stranded without a means to return to Germany, Melissa faced challenges in securing a ticket back and feeling grounded.
  • Despite obstacles, Melissa persevered in seeking a way back to Germany, highlighting the complexities of her journey and the resilience she displayed.

15:31

Unexpected Love: From Online Chat to Proposal

  • The speaker, having lived with white people, understood their adherence to laws and the consequences of breaking them.
  • Feeling hopeless, she decided to return to Germany where she had a position at Frankfurt University.
  • She sought a new host family online in Germany or Austria, leveraging her German language skills and culinary knowledge.
  • A friend helped her find families online while she managed her friend's dating profile, leading to an unexpected chat with a man.
  • The man noticed discrepancies between the chat and emails, eventually learning he was conversing with the speaker's friend.
  • The man wanted to speak with the friend directly, but they avoided being reported for impersonation in online dating.
  • The man sent money for a webcam, enabling video chats and deepening their connection.
  • They developed a strong bond, leading to the man inviting her to Denmark, where they met and clicked instantly.
  • She visited his family in Denmark, where they all approved of her, though she noted the unanimous approval as a potential red flag.
  • Despite her initial skepticism, she fell in love with the man and his family, eventually leading to a proposal and their relationship progressing.

30:56

Challenges of marriage, motherhood, and divorce in Denmark.

  • Denmark is beautiful in the summer, from May to August, with green grass and blooming flowers.
  • A proposal occurred in a Royal Garden owned by the Royal house, leading to engagement at 22 years old.
  • Three weddings took place in one week: engagement, traditional Kikuyu wedding, and white wedding.
  • To live in Denmark as a wife, one must be 24 years old, leading to a long-distance relationship due to age restrictions.
  • After getting pregnant and giving birth, the first year in Denmark was challenging due to financial strains and cultural differences.
  • A breaking point occurred when the husband neglected their child while gaming, leading to a physical altercation.
  • The narrator had a strong stance against domestic violence due to childhood experiences and decided to leave for a crisis center.
  • The crisis center advised that if a man hits once, he may do it again, potentially escalating to more severe violence.
  • Despite facing legal challenges due to residency status and child custody, the narrator pursued a divorce to ensure safety for herself and her child.
  • The possibility of losing custody of her child due to Danish citizenship laws added complexity to the divorce process.

47:57

Mother leaves troubled marriage for children's safety.

  • The child will go to the father, who is willing to take care of the child, and the mother will be deported back home as her stay was based on being a wife.
  • Dual citizenship was allowed in 2012, providing an option for the mother to return home or risk staying in a troubled marriage.
  • The mother is advised by her lawyer to return home strategically to avoid legal trouble due to the child being a Danish citizen.
  • The father's family gets involved, promising to support the mother and prevent any further violence in the marriage.
  • Despite no physical altercations after the incident, the marriage continues with ongoing fights and silent treatments.
  • The mother discovers she is pregnant while in school, facing challenges in the marriage due to issues like pornography affecting their intimacy.
  • The mother decides to separate from her husband after finding child pornography on his computer, leading to a realization that the marriage cannot be salvaged.
  • The husband plays the victim, claiming sickness and seeking therapy to fix his behavior, while the mother sets a deadline for him to seek help.
  • The mother moves out with her children to protect them, staying at a friend's apartment while the husband is given a deadline to seek therapy.
  • The mother remains vigilant and protective of her children, ultimately deciding to leave the marriage for their safety and well-being.

01:05:16

"Leaving Husband, Reporting Child Pornography: A Journey"

  • The narrator decides to leave her husband and go to Kenya to work on her bachelor thesis, giving him an ultimatum to see a therapist for three months if he wants to be involved in their children's lives.
  • Upon returning, she finds out he hasn't seen a therapist, leading her to stay with a friend instead of going home.
  • The husband is discovered to be involved in child pornography, causing the narrator to struggle with keeping this secret for almost two years.
  • She eventually confides in her sister-in-law, who advises her to report him to the authorities.
  • The narrator reports her husband to the police, who arrest him and conduct a thorough investigation at their home.
  • The husband's parents are informed of his arrest, causing a mix of emotions and plans to travel to see him.
  • The narrator, supported by her in-laws, goes to defend her thesis despite the turmoil in her personal life.
  • The focus shifts to the well-being of the children, with the narrator emphasizing the importance of their safety and stability.
  • The narrator decides to seek full custody of the children, leading to a strained relationship with her husband's family.
  • Despite the challenges, the narrator reflects on the complexities of the situation and the need for understanding and cooperation for the sake of the children.

01:22:20

Speaker Prioritizes Children Amid Family Conflict

  • The speaker faced a challenge where they prioritized their children while their family prioritized their son and brother, leading to a clash of interests.
  • Legal proceedings ensued, resulting in the family member being sentenced to five and a half years, with time served taken into account.
  • The speaker lived in a crisis center for seven months, highlighting the emotional difficulty but also the safety it provided.
  • During this time, the speaker turned towards God for guidance and felt compelled to share their story to help others going through similar situations.
  • The importance of having a support system, especially when living abroad, was emphasized, with the speaker finding solace in their church community.
  • Cultivating relationships and not isolating oneself when living abroad, especially in a different culture, was advised for times of need.
  • The speaker received counseling sessions and wisdom from God, guiding them through the decision-making process regarding allowing their children's father back into their lives.
  • Despite legal complexities and emotional struggles, the speaker ultimately decided against allowing the children's father back into their lives due to a lack of remorse.
  • The healing process involved therapy, support from friends, and a strong faith in God, leading to a sense of peace and victory in legal battles.
  • The rebuilding process post-divorce involved finding oneself again and reclaiming personal identity after a long and challenging journey.

01:40:00

Surviving adversity: A woman's journey recounted.

  • The speaker reconnects with a friend from high school who recognizes her despite the years that have passed.
  • The speaker expresses gratitude for God's protection of her and her children during a publicized case that involved journalists following them.
  • Despite living in a crisis center, the speaker's children remained unharmed and unaffected by the situation.
  • The speaker recounts a visit to her ex-husband in prison with her son, who never asked to visit again after that experience.
  • The speaker shares her positive experiences living abroad and finding employment after completing her education during her divorce.
  • The speaker attributes her custody of her children to God's grace, highlighting the rarity of such a situation.
  • The speaker underwent gastric sleeve surgery to address health issues caused by emotional eating during her difficult times.
  • The speaker documents her weight loss journey on a YouTube channel to help others struggling with similar issues.
  • The speaker discusses the impact of pornography on her self-esteem and body image during her marriage.
  • The speaker emphasizes the importance of speaking out against inappropriate behavior towards children to prevent harm and trauma.

01:56:08

Navigating Challenges in Intercultural Marriages and Diaspora

  • Story aims to help others understand the pain experienced by the speaker and her children, emphasizing the importance of sharing experiences for the benefit of others.
  • Discussion shifts to the challenges faced by black women in diaspora, highlighting the need to be cautious when considering marriage or settling abroad.
  • Emphasizes the importance of understanding one's motives before entering into intercultural marriages, advising to take things slow and thoroughly know the person and their family.
  • Stress on the significance of having a supportive community to navigate difficult situations, suggesting that having a strong support system is crucial in times of distress.
  • Encourages individuals to reach out for help if facing similar challenges, offering resources and support to those in need, especially in Europe.
  • Concludes with a message of hope and empowerment, reminding viewers that they are not alone in their struggles and encouraging them to share their stories and seek support.
  • Provides contact information for the speaker's YouTube channel and podcast, inviting viewers to engage further and share their thoughts, while expressing gratitude for the support received.
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