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How to HEAL Anxiety And Form CONFIDENCE As A Habit w/ Mel Robbins | Rich Roll Podcast

Rich Roll・97 minutes read

Renowned personal development figure Mel Robbins shares wisdom on combating anxiety through self-love practices and emphasizes the impact of childhood experiences on mental health. Reflecting on her journey and struggles, she advocates for setting boundaries, prioritizing well-being, and taking consistent small actions to create a happier and healthier life.

Insights

Mel Robbins, a prominent figure in personal development, emphasizes the importance of self-love and reassurance to combat anxiety triggers and promote healing, drawing from her own struggles with generalized anxiety for almost 45 years.
Dr. Russell Kennedy highlights the link between anxiety and childhood experiences of feeling separate from caregivers, underscoring the need for reassurance and love in addressing anxiety issues.
The transformative impact of guided MDMA therapy sessions on emotional healing and self-awareness is detailed, showcasing the importance of letting go of control, embracing the present, and integrating profound changes into daily behavior for sustained benefits.

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Who is Mel Robbins?
A renowned figure in personal development.

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Summary

00:00

"Mel Robbins: Inspiring Action Through Self-Love"

Mel Robbins is a renowned figure in science-backed personal development, known for her ability to motivate and inspire action by cutting through distractions.
She aims to help individuals create a better life with compassion and wisdom gained from both successes and failures.
Mel is a former lawyer turned successful author, speaker, and host, known for her books like "The 5 Second Rule" and "The High Five Habit."
She has recently launched a podcast, "The Mel Robbins Podcast," which quickly became one of the top shows globally.
Mel believes in healing generalized anxiety, a struggle she has faced for almost 45 years, emphasizing the importance of self-love and reassurance.
Dr. Russell Kennedy, author of "Anxiety RX," suggests that anxiety stems from childhood experiences of feeling separate from caregivers, leading to a need for reassurance and love.
Mel shares her breakthrough in understanding the connection between anxiety and the inability to receive love, visualizing it as a closed door blocking connections.
She advocates for self-love practices like placing a hand on the heart or giving oneself reassurance to combat anxiety triggers and promote healing.
Rich and Mel discuss the impact of childhood experiences on mental health and the importance of addressing early traumas for healing.
Mel emphasizes the power of somatic modalities and reframing anxiety as a holistic issue requiring self-love and reassurance for healing, a belief she has successfully shared with her children.

16:42

"Anxiety, Busyness, and Self-Actualization: A Journey"

Over years of practice and integration into a community, self-actualization led to increased self-esteem, ameliorating past feelings of anxiety and the need for medication.
Chronic anxiety was experienced as dissonance, leading to disassociation as a coping mechanism, highlighting the connection between anxiety and addiction.
Different responses to anxiety alarms were observed, with one individual responding by engaging in busyness to outrun the anxiety, while another responded by withdrawing and using substances to silence the alarm.
Anxiety was reframed as an alarm stemming from childhood experiences of feeling separate or triggered, leading to challenges in social interactions despite outward confidence.
Busyness was categorized into three types: driven by transactional love and acceptance, born out of crisis, and fueled by a campaign of misery in the background.
Crisis-induced busyness was challenging to overcome, especially when external validation and success were tied to it, leading to a constant fear of returning to a crisis state.
The pandemic-induced over-functioning anxiety response highlighted the need to step back, focus on what truly matters, and shift from crisis mode to strategic thinking.
The importance of addressing nervous system regulation to switch off the fight-or-flight response and activate the parasympathetic nervous system for relaxation and calm.
Recognizing and silencing the internal alarm, often expressed as anger, frustration, withdrawal, or chronic anxiety, was crucial in overcoming the impact of childhood experiences.
A transformative shift occurred when the background campaign of misery, often rooted in negative influences from upbringing, was acknowledged and actively countered, leading to a more positive and optimistic outlook.

33:17

Embracing Change: From Renovation to Self-Discovery

The speaker discusses moving to Vermont, renovating a house, and working on their marriage, noting that external improvements led to internal self-criticism.
They reflect on their tendency to focus on what's wrong rather than appreciating their accomplishments, like building their dream house.
The speaker introduces the Plant Power Meal Planner, a tool offering plant-based recipes customizable to preferences and integrating with grocery delivery.
They share their experience with guided MDMA therapy sessions, detailing the profound impact on their emotional healing and self-awareness.
The therapy sessions involved setting intentions, taking MDMA, and experiencing a six-hour playlist that facilitated deep introspection and emotional release.
The speaker vividly recalls experiencing past, present, and future events during the therapy, including emotional connections with family members and childhood memories.
The second MDMA session at their new home initially lacked the expected profound experience, leading to self-doubt and a struggle to let go and enjoy the moment.
Through guidance from the therapist, the speaker learns to let go of control and embrace the present, leading to a transformative realization about enjoying life and receiving love.
Following the therapy, the speaker undergoes a two-and-a-half-day period of intense emotional shedding, feeling a release of generational patterns and a newfound sense of freedom.
The speaker emphasizes the importance of post-therapy integration and ongoing therapeutic work in sustaining the benefits of the MDMA experiences.

50:01

Navigating Life's Challenges with Intention and Purpose

People engage in experiences like Ayahuasca for various reasons, questioning the lasting impact versus transient experiences.
Integrating profound changes from such experiences into daily behavior requires intention and purpose.
Personal experiences and reflections on turning 54, focusing on being present and connected to one's mission.
Launching a podcast and dealing with competitiveness and external pressures, striving to stay grounded and grateful.
Emphasizing the importance of success sharing and supporting others in personal development.
Maintaining a strong connection to the community and real impact through daily emails and personal interactions.
Reflecting on past experiences with drugs and the fear of losing control, leading to a desire for guided therapy.
Choosing MDMA over other substances due to past negative experiences and a desire for controlled therapeutic settings.
Addressing childhood programming and fears around happiness and success, undergoing therapy and self-reflection.
Transitioning from fear-driven success to a more balanced and content-driven approach through therapy and self-awareness.

01:06:11

"Empowering Through Boundaries: Balancing Work and Family"

The speaker emphasizes the need for a balance between quiet isolation in Vermont for deep thinking and city bursts for creative sprints.
They express the necessity of having an office space separate from home to maintain a legitimate business model.
Transitioning to a communal effort in the studio has allowed the speaker to relinquish control and empower others.
The speaker acknowledges the challenges of producing quality content in podcasting and the effort required.
Family members are included in podcast episodes, with clear boundaries set to respect their privacy and comfort levels.
The speaker's daughter's personal issue is discussed in an episode, focusing on processing emotions and finding empowerment.
The episode showcases the importance of empowering individuals by asking questions rather than providing solutions.
The speaker highlights the difficulty of not solving their children's problems but instead listening and empowering them to make decisions.
Setting boundaries and asking if advice is wanted before giving it has proven effective in communication with family members.
The podcast episode involving the speaker's daughter prompts questions from listeners on how to build a similar relationship with their children.

01:21:16

Building Trusting Parent-Child Relationship Through Communication

Parents seek advice on creating a trusting relationship with their children.
Trust and respect are key elements in building a strong parent-child bond.
Emphasize children's individuality and decision-making skills.
Focus on developing kindness and self-reflection in children.
Praise effort and kindness in children to encourage positive behavior.
Parenting should involve rewarding good behavior rather than constant correction.
Parent from a neutral place, avoiding projecting ancestral patterns onto children.
Open communication about sensitive topics like sex is crucial.
Encourage children to come to parents for advice and support.
Maintain open communication and non-judgmental reactions to children's disclosures.

01:37:30

"Balancing Work and Happiness: Setting Boundaries"

Chris is seen as a leader in outdoor adventures, embodying experience and knowledge in wilderness settings.
Another side of Chris is revealed when he rollerblades in a suit through New York City, showcasing a playful and carefree demeanor.
Mel acknowledges her tendency to prioritize work over personal happiness, affecting her relationship with Chris.
Mel is actively working on setting boundaries with work, aiming to prioritize her well-being and enjoyment.
Mel and Chris discuss the importance of setting boundaries with work, including specific times and days for work-related activities.
They emphasize the necessity of using tools and strategies consistently to maintain boundaries and balance.
Mel and Chris reflect on the challenge of finding contentment in stillness and the importance of taking breaks.
They discuss the concept of temporal landmarks, moments that inspire aspirational behavior and fresh starts.
Temporal landmarks like birthdays, New Year's Day, or personal rituals can create opportunities for reflection and goal-setting.
Mel shares a practical exercise involving comparing past and present habits to identify steps towards a happier and healthier life, emphasizing the importance of taking small actions consistently.

01:53:16

Grateful for Mel's Birthday Conversation and Podcast

Mel is thanked for spending two hours on the speaker's birthday, expressing gratitude for the privilege of their conversation and the generosity of sharing it with others, with anticipation for the success of their podcast.

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