Esther Perel on What the Other Woman Knows
New York Times Podcasts・22 minutes read
Renowned couples therapist Ester Perel challenges common beliefs about love and relationships, emphasizing the complexities of infidelity beyond just sex. Karen Jones' essay explores her experiences with married men, highlighting the importance of honesty and dialogue in relationships to address root issues behind infidelity.
Insights
- Infidelity involves more than just physical betrayal; it encompasses lying, trust violation, and deception, highlighting the complexities of relationships beyond sex.
- Addressing the root causes of infidelity through open dialogue and honesty is crucial, as highlighted by both Ester Perel and Karen Jones, emphasizing the importance of communication in relationships to navigate issues like lack of intimacy and desire.
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Recent questions
What are Ester Perel's popular books about?
Love and relationships
What does Ester Perel discuss in her podcast?
Real couple therapy sessions
What does Karen Jones' essay explore?
Infidelity with married men
What is the significance of addressing root issues in infidelity?
Open conversations and honesty
How are desire and intimacy discussed in relationships?
Importance of open discussions
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Summary
00:00
"Challenging beliefs on love and infidelity"
- Ester Perel, a renowned couples therapist, has authored books like "Mating in Captivity" and "State of Affairs," challenging common beliefs about love and relationships.
- Perel hosts a podcast where she shares real couple therapy sessions, offering hope and guidance to struggling relationships.
- People often approach Perel in public with deeply personal questions about relationships, seeking advice and guidance.
- Perel discusses the complexities of infidelity, emphasizing that it involves more than just sex but also betrayal, trust violation, lying, and deception.
- Karen Jones' essay, "What Sleeping with Married Men Taught Me about Infidelity," explores her experiences with married men and the reasons behind their actions.
- Jones sought companionship with married men after her divorce, believing they would not become overly attached due to their existing commitments.
- Many of the married men Jones encountered were seeking any form of intimacy, not necessarily more sex, as their marriages lacked physical closeness.
- Jones reflects on the importance of honesty and dialogue in relationships, suggesting that lack of sex in marriage should not lead to shame or silence.
- Perel highlights the significance of addressing the root issues behind infidelity through open conversations and honesty within relationships.
- The essay received backlash for Jones' actions, with critics questioning her moral stance while engaging with married men and advising them on honesty with their spouses.
18:24
Impact of Affairs on Relationships and Communication
- About 80% of people raise their hands when asked about triangles, which represents the impact of affairs on those involved and not just the individuals in the affair.
- The concept of a "home wrecker" is discussed, with the idea that the responsibility lies on the person who goes outside the marriage, not the lover.
- Conversations about desire and intimacy within relationships are highlighted, emphasizing the importance of discussing what sex means to individuals and what they want to experience.
- The difficulty in discussing intimacy and sexuality within relationships is explored, noting the lack of practice and societal taboos surrounding these topics.
- The cultural differences in honesty and confession are discussed, with some societies valuing the impact on the other person over the confession itself.
- Letter writing exercises are suggested as a way to bridge emotional and sexual distance between couples, allowing them to express thoughts and feelings they may have never discussed before.
