4 Things A Man Needs To FEEL In Order To Fall For You (Make Him See You As Relationship Material!)
Helena Hart・81 minutes read
Relationship coach Matt Shaffer emphasizes the importance of creating specific emotions in men to foster deep connections, focusing on respect, authenticity, and emotional vulnerability to evoke love and commitment. Encouraging open communication, providing emotional safety, and balancing excitement and safety are crucial in building strong, healthy relationships.
Insights
- Men need to feel respected, acknowledged, emotionally safe, and excited in a relationship to build a strong connection, emphasizing the importance of creating these specific feelings to foster a deep bond.
- Women should focus on challenging themselves to be the best version, expressing powerful and loving expectations while providing safety, excitement, and respect to their partners, as men are drawn to high-quality women committed to personal growth rather than those playing games or manipulating.
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Recent questions
How can women help men feel emotionally connected?
Women can help men feel emotionally connected by respecting their contributions, showing genuine interest in their passions, and providing a safe space for vulnerability. By acknowledging a man's efforts and creations, expressing genuine curiosity about his pursuits, and fostering an environment where he can express his feelings without judgment, women can create a strong emotional bond with their partners. Additionally, supporting a man's growth, challenging him to be his best self, and balancing safety with excitement in the relationship can further deepen the emotional connection between partners.
Why is emotional safety important in relationships?
Emotional safety is crucial in relationships because it allows individuals to express vulnerability, confront emotions, and communicate openly without fear of judgment or rejection. When partners feel emotionally safe with each other, they can share their feelings, thoughts, and experiences authentically, fostering a deeper connection and understanding. Creating a safe space for emotional expression encourages growth, intimacy, and mutual support within the relationship, leading to a stronger bond between partners.
How can women challenge men in relationships positively?
Women can positively challenge men in relationships by setting expectations powerfully and lovingly, expressing their needs and boundaries, and encouraging their partners to be their best selves. By living with purpose, being unapologetically themselves, and asking for what they want in a supportive manner, women can inspire men to grow, evolve, and engage in a deeper connection. Challenging men to play a bigger game, supporting their personal development, and fostering an environment of mutual respect and admiration can lead to a fulfilling and dynamic relationship.
What are effective ways to communicate needs in a relationship?
Establishing constructive boundaries, offering positive feedback, and initiating open communication are effective ways to communicate needs in a relationship. By setting clear boundaries, providing guidance and suggestions for meeting relationship needs, and engaging in a feedback process with a partner, individuals can express their desires, expectations, and concerns in a healthy and constructive manner. Creating a feedback loop, encouraging open dialogue, and actively listening to each other's needs can strengthen communication, foster understanding, and promote growth within the relationship.
How can women balance safety and excitement in relationships?
Women can balance safety and excitement in relationships by creating a supportive and nurturing environment while also introducing challenges and playfulness to keep the dynamic engaging. By holding space for their partners, actively listening without judgment, and encouraging open communication, women can provide emotional safety and security in the relationship. Additionally, incorporating shared experiences, fun activities, and positive feedback can inject excitement and novelty into the relationship, maintaining a healthy balance between stability and adventure. Striking this equilibrium can lead to a fulfilling and dynamic connection between partners.
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Summary
00:00
"Building Deep Connections: Understanding Men's Emotions"
- Matt Shaffer is introduced as a relationship coach specializing in helping women build deep connections, especially in romantic relationships.
- The discussion focuses on four key emotions men need to feel to fall in love and commit to a relationship.
- Emotions are described as energy in motion exchanged in relationships, emphasizing the importance of creating specific feelings in men.
- Men are noted to lack emotional self-awareness compared to women, often expressing feelings through actions rather than words.
- The conversation highlights the significance of respecting a man's contributions and creations in the world to evoke feelings of respect in him.
- Authenticity is stressed in showing respect, with suggestions to give space for a man's pursuits and show genuine interest in his passions.
- Providing space for a man's purpose and asking engaging questions about his work or hobbies are recommended to honor his path.
- The importance of not competing with a man's purpose but supporting and being curious about it is emphasized.
- Balancing giving space for a man's pursuits and showing genuine interest in his passions is crucial for fostering a deep connection.
- Insecurity and projecting fears onto a man are cautioned against, as they can threaten the relationship and cause men to withdraw.
14:02
Supporting Men's Emotional Growth in Relationships
- Men rely on women to help them feel emotionally free and connected, as societal conditioning often equates vulnerability with weakness.
- Women in relationships should aim to make their partners feel lighter, freer, and more emotionally connected by supporting their emotional growth.
- The interdependence between men and women is crucial for mutual elevation and expansion, not codependence.
- Acknowledging a man's actions and efforts in every aspect of his life is essential for making him feel special and loved.
- Men express themselves through actions and appreciate being acknowledged for their contributions and efforts.
- Acknowledgment should be tailored to a man's love language, with physical touch often being a significant form of communication for men.
- Acknowledging a man's actions and efforts for a woman is a powerful way to make him feel valued and appreciated.
- In the early stages of dating, subtle physical contact, such as touching hands or allowing him to touch your back, can convey interest and security.
- Physical touch does not have to be sexual and can be a powerful way to communicate interest and connection.
- Men need to feel emotionally safe in relationships to express vulnerability and confront emotions, as emotional confrontation can be terrifying for many men due to lack of examples in their upbringing.
28:03
Emotional Safety and Vulnerability in Relationships
- Emotional safety is crucial in relationships, with vulnerability being seen as attractive.
- Feeling safe within oneself is essential before expecting a man to feel safe with you.
- Leading by example in emotional expression can help create a safe space for emotional communication.
- Fostering emotional vulnerability is key to forming deeper connections beyond casual dating.
- Expressing feelings openly, both positive and negative, sets the tone for emotional communication.
- Encouraging men to share their feelings and providing a safe space for them is a valuable gift.
- Suppressing feelings can lead to shame and relationship breakdowns, emphasizing the need for open communication.
- Women can lead by example in emotional openness, encouraging men to express their feelings.
- Balancing leaning back in relationships with emotional openness and vulnerability is crucial for intimacy.
- Detaching from outcomes in dating can be empowering and attractive, filtering out incompatible partners.
41:32
"Empowering Relationships: Communication, Boundaries, Growth"
- It's crucial for a woman to understand that her happiness is not her man's responsibility, as making it so can burden the relationship.
- Releasing attachment to outcomes is emphasized as a key aspect of relationships, ensuring stability and avoiding emotional roller coasters.
- Encouraging the use of the phrase "up until now" to shift behaviors and open up possibilities for change in communication patterns.
- Creating a safe space for a man to express his feelings, especially when upset, can help shift his communication patterns.
- Balancing safety and excitement in a relationship is vital, offering challenges and playfulness to keep the dynamic engaging.
- Constructive boundaries and positive feedback are effective ways to communicate needs in a relationship without creating conflict.
- Establishing a feedback process with a partner is essential for healthy communication and addressing unmet needs.
- Offering guidance and suggestions for activities or experiences can help guide a partner towards meeting relationship needs.
- The value of giving and receiving feedback in a relationship is emphasized as a crucial process for growth and understanding.
- Free discovery calls with relationship coach Matt are available for personalized advice and support in navigating specific relationship challenges.
55:17
Nurturing Relationships Through Open Communication and Understanding
- Acknowledge a man's courage in admitting financial struggles in a relationship.
- Encourage open communication about financial situations in relationships.
- Avoid setting strict timelines or deadlines in relationships, allowing for organic growth.
- Emphasize the importance of freedom in relationships and avoiding pressure.
- Suggest hitting the reset button after rushing relationship discussions.
- Focus on shared experiences and fun to redirect relationship dynamics positively.
- Holding space in relationships involves active listening without personalizing or reacting defensively.
- Holding space allows partners to express themselves without judgment or defensiveness.
- Encourage open communication and understanding of each other's communication preferences.
- Initiate contact if desired, expressing the importance of connection and brightening each other's days.
01:08:25
"Challenging Men to Be Their Best"
- Men do not want aloof women who play games, but rather those who challenge themselves to be the best version of themselves.
- Challenging a man involves being on your own path and living with purpose, making him see you as a high-quality woman.
- Men dream of winning over a woman committed to herself, not one playing games to manipulate them.
- To challenge a man, express your expectations powerfully and lovingly, setting positive boundaries and calling him to play a bigger game.
- Men want to be challenged to be their best selves, so be unapologetically yourself and ask for what you want in a loving way.
- Respect, acknowledge, provide safety, and excite your man to evoke the feelings necessary for a strong relationship.
- Safety is crucial for a man to feel emotionally connected and vulnerable with you, allowing him to be himself.
- Men need to feel excited and challenged in a relationship, where freedom and mutual support are key for a deep connection.
