كيف نبني زواجاً مستقراً | د.جاسم محمد المطوع | 130

بودكاست بدون ورق2 minutes read

Dignity is achieved through decisions, achievements, protecting family, and admitting mistakes. Omar bin Al-Khattab exemplifies dignity through his actions and character.

Insights

  • Dignity is achieved through decisions, achievements, protecting family, and admitting mistakes.
  • Dr. Jassim Al-Mutawwa transitions from a judge to focus on family stability and happiness.
  • The Islamic perspective on marriage differs significantly from the Western view, emphasizing structured goals and contracts.
  • The importance of maintaining traditional values in the face of modern influences like social media and self-love trends.
  • Understanding the complexities of love in marriage, evolving through stages and requiring continuous intimacy and balance.

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Recent questions

  • What are the crucial stages in marriage?

    Pre-marriage, early marriage, stability/divorce stages are explored.

  • How does Islam view marriage contracts?

    Contracts have specific end dates, unlike other agreements.

  • What are the differences between Western and Islamic views on marriage?

    Western perspective emphasizes freedom, while Islam focuses on structured frameworks.

  • How does Islamic faith influence relationships?

    Faith is crucial for success, along with compatibility and respect.

  • What are the stages of love in marriage?

    Love evolves from admiration to responsible love over time.

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Summary

00:00

"Dignity, Marriage, and Cultural Perspectives"

  • Dignity is achieved through decisions, achievements, protecting family, and admitting mistakes.
  • Omar bin Al-Khattab exemplifies dignity through his actions and character.
  • Dr. Jassim Al-Mutawwa, an expert in education and marital relations, discusses important stages in marriage.
  • Three crucial stages in marriage are explored: pre-marriage, early marriage, and stability/divorce.
  • Dr. Jassim Al-Mutawwa transitioned from a judge in personal status courts to focus on social and educational consultations.
  • His interest in family problem-solving led him to work on projects promoting family stability and happiness.
  • Dr. Jassim Al-Mutawwa's master's degree focused on marital secrets from the Quran and Prophetic “Sunnah”.
  • The study delved into the concept of secrets in various aspects of life, including marriage and illness.
  • Dr. Jassim Al-Mutawwa highlights the differences in views on marriage between the East and the West.
  • The Western perspective on marriage and human rights differs significantly from the Islamic perspective, emphasizing freedom and definitions of human beings.

13:44

Islamic values in marriage and society.

  • In Islam, goals are achieved through a structured framework, such as marriage contracts made by Al-Ma'dhun with witnesses, representing Allah's judgment.
  • Contracts in Islam have specific end dates, unlike other agreements like renting a house or car, with marriage being the exception.
  • The marital relationship in Islam extends beyond death, even into Paradise, differing from Western views on marriage and family.
  • Modern influences like social media, books, and training courses are challenging traditional values, leading to a shift in priorities towards self-love and individual happiness.
  • Recent global events like Palestine, Ukraine, and the World Cup in Qatar have sparked a resurgence in traditional values, even in America.
  • The preservation of values is a global concern, not limited to Islamic communities, as seen in conferences attended in churches and Japan.
  • Japan's cultural values, like cleanliness and respect, are evident in daily practices, such as showering twice a day and maintaining politeness.
  • A historical account of how Islam entered Japan through a shipwreck involving Ottoman soldiers highlights the importance of values and respect in different cultures.
  • The significance of maintaining values and faith in newly formed families is emphasized, as imitating Western ideals weakens traditional beliefs.
  • The purpose of marriage in Islam is rooted in psychological and emotional stability, love, and support through life's challenges, emphasizing the importance of companionship and shared values.

27:26

Rewards and Preparation for Successful Marriage

  • Every action towards one's wife, from making her smile to spending money on her, is rewarded.
  • Financial contributions towards the wife's expenses, like school fees, are also rewarded.
  • Managing household expenses is considered a virtuous act that leads to rewards.
  • A strong marital relationship is likened to a path to heaven, akin to prayer.
  • Inner readiness and possessing marriage-related qualities are crucial before entering into marriage.
  • Mental and financial preparedness are essential for a successful marriage.
  • Different age stages have varying principles and laws for marriage.
  • Rules differ based on factors like age, number of marriages, and circumstances like widowhood or divorce.
  • The educational system is criticized for not adequately preparing individuals for marriage and life management.
  • Suggestions are made to reform the educational system to better equip individuals for responsibilities like marriage.

40:59

"Marriage, Age, and Compatibility in Relationships"

  • Boys are more outgoing and involved in society compared to girls.
  • In the Gulf and Kuwait, there is a lack of culture in preparing girls for managing their homes and dealing with men.
  • The age difference in marriage is a topic of discussion, with a global theory suggesting a specific formula based on age.
  • The mental age of individuals can differ from their birth certificate age, impacting their readiness for marriage.
  • Successful marriages can have age differences ranging from 2 to 10 years, with examples like Prophet Muhammad and Khadija.
  • Faith is emphasized as crucial for the success of relationships, along with ideological, family, and cultural compatibility.
  • Marriages between individuals from different backgrounds, like urban and rural or Sunni and Shia, can face challenges, especially when children are involved.
  • Love is seen as important in relationships, but harmony, compatibility, and stability are equally essential.
  • Stories of successful and failed marriages between individuals from different environments are shared to illustrate the risks involved.
  • The importance of considering long-term compatibility and lifestyle preferences in relationships, akin to a fish being moved from one environment to another.

53:13

Navigating Modern Relationships and Marriage Challenges

  • The rise of various platforms and apps has made it easier to connect with others, facilitated by the prevalence of social media.
  • This ease of connection has led to a trend of quick relationships and "hit and run" interactions in the modern era.
  • Zygmunt Bauman, a Polish sociologist, wrote about the concept of "liquid love," highlighting the lack of depth and maturity in modern relationships.
  • Traditional methods of getting to know each other, often through family connections, are deemed more successful than modern approaches by 64% in studies.
  • Anecdotes illustrate the challenges of marrying late due to changing tastes and behaviors, emphasizing the importance of preparation for marriage.
  • The first 20 years of marriage are divided into two parts, each with distinct sets of problems to navigate.
  • Marriage is seen as a 60-year journey with evolving challenges every 20 years, requiring adaptability and understanding between partners.
  • Setting conditions for marriage, such as financial stability and compatibility, is encouraged as long as there is a willingness to compromise and sacrifice.
  • The concept of complementarity in marriage, where partners balance each other's traits and behaviors, is crucial for a successful and fulfilling relationship.
  • Understanding the complexities and dynamics of marriage, including the need for preparation, communication, and mutual understanding, is essential for long-term success.

01:06:03

Theories and Factors in Partner Selection

  • Complementarity theory explains attraction between opposites like long and short, fat and thin, calm and angry.
  • Similarity theory suggests attraction based on shared traits like generosity or physical characteristics.
  • Parental theory indicates attraction to individuals resembling one's parents in behavior or appearance.
  • Society theory involves adhering to societal guidelines and norms in partner selection.
  • Physical attraction theory highlights the role of physical appearance in attracting partners.
  • Islamic teachings emphasize selecting partners based on religious piety and character.
  • The story of Moses and the daughters of Shu'ayb in the Quran illustrates the beginning of love and marriage.
  • Evaluating a potential partner during engagement involves gathering information from the individual, social interactions, family history, and health aspects.
  • Important questions to ask during engagement include goals in life, social relations, family planning, and health issues.
  • Understanding family history, genetic diseases, and societal norms are crucial in making informed decisions about marriage.

01:18:28

"Pre-Marital Preparation: Communication, Compromise, Compatibility"

  • Emphasizes the importance of studying the case thoroughly before marriage, highlighting the need to avoid addictive behaviors like Hashish.
  • Stresses the significance of a stable and successful marriage, emphasizing that both parties need to understand each other's families equally.
  • Discusses the necessity of clear agreements and terms during the engagement phase, rather than viewing it as a negotiation.
  • Illustrates a case where a couple negotiated clothing choices, emphasizing the importance of clear communication and agreement on preferences.
  • Advocates for discussing important issues like clothing choices, travel, and hobbies before marriage to avoid conflicts later on.
  • Shares a case where a woman wanted to join a gym but faced resistance from her husband, highlighting the importance of compromise and understanding in relationships.
  • Emphasizes the need for open communication and understanding of each other's nature in marriage, particularly regarding differences in interests and behaviors between men and women.
  • Points out that women are more detail-oriented and emotionally intelligent, while men tend to focus on numbers and logic.
  • Highlights the importance of compatibility between partners for a stable family environment and the balanced development of children.
  • Explains the differences in how men and women perceive and interact with the world, emphasizing the need for mutual understanding and respect in relationships.

01:30:45

"Love's Evolution in Marriage: A Journey"

  • Every person has a mixture of male and female hormones, emphasizing the importance of harmony in innate readiness.
  • Love in marriage evolves through stages, starting with admiration based on looks or interactions, progressing to romantic love estimated to last from one to three years.
  • Romantic love transitions into cooperative love, characterized by mutual dependence and support, akin to teamwork in football.
  • After 7-8 years of marriage and having children, love transforms into responsible love, focusing on shared responsibilities and roles within the family.
  • Continuous intimacy in the marital relationship is crucial to maintaining emotional connection and love, preventing issues on both partners' sides.
  • Men's focus may shift towards securing the family's future, potentially leading to neglect of intimacy, highlighting the importance of awareness and maintaining a balance.
  • Emotional apathy, distinct from love dying, can occur due to various factors like health conditions or life circumstances, affecting the emotional bond between partners.
  • Affection and mercy are emphasized in the Quran for couples, with love not explicitly mentioned, reflecting the diverse nature of love and relationships.
  • Friendship before love is highlighted as essential in marriage, as it reveals true personalities and responsibilities that may not have been evident during courtship.
  • Understanding the different ways individuals express love, such as through words, actions, or problem-solving, is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship and addressing potential misunderstandings.

01:45:05

Importance of Expressing Feelings in Relationships

  • Expressing feelings is crucial in relationships, with women valuing listening and men valuing seeing.
  • Women appreciate hearing words of praise and need attention through eye contact.
  • Nizar Qabani emphasizes the importance of expressing feelings and praising beauty.
  • Praise is essential in relationships and interactions, leading to a deeper connection.
  • Men often lack understanding of women's emotional needs, leading to oppression.
  • Men may love multiple women differently, unable to give the same level of affection to each.
  • Trust and respect are fundamental in marriages, with women prioritizing safety and men valuing respect.
  • Betrayals in marriages stem from emotional or physical reasons, influenced by upbringing and media portrayals.
  • Betrayals can be voluntary or coerced, with the Quran referring to them as obscenities.
  • Obscenity encompasses various forms of betrayal beyond just marital infidelity.

01:59:29

Educational and Marital Betrayal: Impact and Solutions

  • Educational betrayal is considered harsher than marital betrayal as it involves neglecting the educational upbringing of children, leading to their destruction.
  • The story of Yousef and the wife of Al-Aziz illustrates betrayal, with the wife betraying her husband due to his weak personality compared to Yousef's beauty and strong personality.
  • A man's weak personality can lead to his wife's disinterest and betrayal, as women are attracted to men with strong personalities who make decisions and have opinions.
  • The Quran's mention of the wife of Al-Aziz's betrayal highlights the importance of upbringing in protecting individuals from succumbing to temptation.
  • Jacob and Yousef's similar responses to betrayal by their children emphasize the significance of upbringing in shaping individuals' reactions to betrayal.
  • Marriage is about fulfilling each other's needs, with rights and duties that must be met to maintain a healthy relationship.
  • Maintaining a tender and respectful relationship with one's spouse, as exemplified by Omar bin Al-Khattab, is crucial for a successful marriage.
  • Setting agreements during engagement, such as resolving arguments within a specific timeframe, can contribute to the longevity of a marriage.
  • Diplomacy and intelligence are essential in dealing with parental intervention in a marriage, respecting elders while navigating disagreements.
  • Approaching marital problems with five rules, including putting aside the idea of complete resolution and focusing on other constructive fields, can aid in resolving conflicts effectively.

02:11:28

Navigating Relationships: Coexistence, Employment, and Divorce

  • Coexistence and employment fields are crucial in dealing with problems and benefiting from faults.
  • Coexistence involves understanding when someone is angry, what triggers their anger, and avoiding those triggers to reduce anger.
  • Employment means utilizing faults for personal benefit, like letting someone else handle problems instead of addressing them.
  • Differentiating between obligations towards parents and spouses is essential to maintain a healthy marital life.
  • Overlooking issues and not focusing on every detail is vital for a successful marriage.
  • Understanding how to solve problems in a relationship requires patience and time, as quick fixes are often ineffective.
  • A case study involving a man with multiple relationships highlights the need for patience and gradual change in resolving complex issues.
  • The longest problem the speaker worked on was for 22 years, emphasizing the importance of perseverance in solving relationship issues.
  • Patience, faith, and dedication are key in successfully resolving marital problems and achieving positive outcomes.
  • Knowing when divorce is the right choice in a relationship requires careful consideration of the circumstances and the potential for resolution.

02:24:19

Men's Emotional Suppression in Divorce Studies

  • Divorce is easier for men socially, but scientific studies suggest men suffer more due to suppressing emotions.
  • Women express themselves more post-divorce, finding comfort in talking, while men may appear indifferent but are internally broken.
  • The Qur'an encourages successful divorce, detailing procedures before, during, and after divorce for a kind separation.
  • The Surah of divorce emphasizes the importance of family stability, warning against increased divorce rates leading to societal disintegration.
  • Successful divorce involves agreements before, during, and after divorce, focusing on children's well-being, education, and upbringing.
  • A successful divorce example involves a family continuing traditions post-divorce, showing kindness and consideration for all members involved.
  • Patience, coexistence, and communication are essential for resolving marital issues before considering divorce.
  • Modern society's lack of patience and focus on individualism contribute to high divorce rates, emphasizing the need for patience and social connections for successful marriages.
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