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كيف نبني زواجاً مستقراً | د.جاسم محمد المطوع | 130

بودكاست بدون ورق・137 minutes read

Dignity is achieved through decisions, achievements, protecting family, and admitting mistakes. Omar bin Al-Khattab exemplifies dignity through his actions and character.

Insights

Dignity is achieved through decisions, achievements, protecting family, and admitting mistakes.
Dr. Jassim Al-Mutawwa transitions from a judge to focus on family stability and happiness.
The Islamic perspective on marriage differs significantly from the Western view, emphasizing structured goals and contracts.
The importance of maintaining traditional values in the face of modern influences like social media and self-love trends.
Understanding the complexities of love in marriage, evolving through stages and requiring continuous intimacy and balance.

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Recent questions

What are the crucial stages in marriage?
Pre-marriage, early marriage, stability/divorce stages are explored.
How does Islam view marriage contracts?
Contracts have specific end dates, unlike other agreements.
What are the differences between Western and Islamic views on marriage?
Western perspective emphasizes freedom, while Islam focuses on structured frameworks.
How does Islamic faith influence relationships?
Faith is crucial for success, along with compatibility and respect.
What are the stages of love in marriage?
Love evolves from admiration to responsible love over time.

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Summary

00:00

"Dignity, Marriage, and Cultural Perspectives"

Dignity is achieved through decisions, achievements, protecting family, and admitting mistakes.
Omar bin Al-Khattab exemplifies dignity through his actions and character.
Dr. Jassim Al-Mutawwa, an expert in education and marital relations, discusses important stages in marriage.
Three crucial stages in marriage are explored: pre-marriage, early marriage, and stability/divorce.
Dr. Jassim Al-Mutawwa transitioned from a judge in personal status courts to focus on social and educational consultations.
His interest in family problem-solving led him to work on projects promoting family stability and happiness.
Dr. Jassim Al-Mutawwa's master's degree focused on marital secrets from the Quran and Prophetic “Sunnah”.
The study delved into the concept of secrets in various aspects of life, including marriage and illness.
Dr. Jassim Al-Mutawwa highlights the differences in views on marriage between the East and the West.
The Western perspective on marriage and human rights differs significantly from the Islamic perspective, emphasizing freedom and definitions of human beings.

13:44

Islamic values in marriage and society.

In Islam, goals are achieved through a structured framework, such as marriage contracts made by Al-Ma'dhun with witnesses, representing Allah's judgment.
Contracts in Islam have specific end dates, unlike other agreements like renting a house or car, with marriage being the exception.
The marital relationship in Islam extends beyond death, even into Paradise, differing from Western views on marriage and family.
Modern influences like social media, books, and training courses are challenging traditional values, leading to a shift in priorities towards self-love and individual happiness.
Recent global events like Palestine, Ukraine, and the World Cup in Qatar have sparked a resurgence in traditional values, even in America.
The preservation of values is a global concern, not limited to Islamic communities, as seen in conferences attended in churches and Japan.
Japan's cultural values, like cleanliness and respect, are evident in daily practices, such as showering twice a day and maintaining politeness.
A historical account of how Islam entered Japan through a shipwreck involving Ottoman soldiers highlights the importance of values and respect in different cultures.
The significance of maintaining values and faith in newly formed families is emphasized, as imitating Western ideals weakens traditional beliefs.
The purpose of marriage in Islam is rooted in psychological and emotional stability, love, and support through life's challenges, emphasizing the importance of companionship and shared values.

27:26

Rewards and Preparation for Successful Marriage

Every action towards one's wife, from making her smile to spending money on her, is rewarded.
Financial contributions towards the wife's expenses, like school fees, are also rewarded.
Managing household expenses is considered a virtuous act that leads to rewards.
A strong marital relationship is likened to a path to heaven, akin to prayer.
Inner readiness and possessing marriage-related qualities are crucial before entering into marriage.
Mental and financial preparedness are essential for a successful marriage.
Different age stages have varying principles and laws for marriage.
Rules differ based on factors like age, number of marriages, and circumstances like widowhood or divorce.
The educational system is criticized for not adequately preparing individuals for marriage and life management.
Suggestions are made to reform the educational system to better equip individuals for responsibilities like marriage.

40:59

"Marriage, Age, and Compatibility in Relationships"

Boys are more outgoing and involved in society compared to girls.
In the Gulf and Kuwait, there is a lack of culture in preparing girls for managing their homes and dealing with men.
The age difference in marriage is a topic of discussion, with a global theory suggesting a specific formula based on age.
The mental age of individuals can differ from their birth certificate age, impacting their readiness for marriage.
Successful marriages can have age differences ranging from 2 to 10 years, with examples like Prophet Muhammad and Khadija.
Faith is emphasized as crucial for the success of relationships, along with ideological, family, and cultural compatibility.
Marriages between individuals from different backgrounds, like urban and rural or Sunni and Shia, can face challenges, especially when children are involved.
Love is seen as important in relationships, but harmony, compatibility, and stability are equally essential.
Stories of successful and failed marriages between individuals from different environments are shared to illustrate the risks involved.
The importance of considering long-term compatibility and lifestyle preferences in relationships, akin to a fish being moved from one environment to another.

53:13

Navigating Modern Relationships and Marriage Challenges

The rise of various platforms and apps has made it easier to connect with others, facilitated by the prevalence of social media.
This ease of connection has led to a trend of quick relationships and "hit and run" interactions in the modern era.
Zygmunt Bauman, a Polish sociologist, wrote about the concept of "liquid love," highlighting the lack of depth and maturity in modern relationships.
Traditional methods of getting to know each other, often through family connections, are deemed more successful than modern approaches by 64% in studies.
Anecdotes illustrate the challenges of marrying late due to changing tastes and behaviors, emphasizing the importance of preparation for marriage.
The first 20 years of marriage are divided into two parts, each with distinct sets of problems to navigate.
Marriage is seen as a 60-year journey with evolving challenges every 20 years, requiring adaptability and understanding between partners.
Setting conditions for marriage, such as financial stability and compatibility, is encouraged as long as there is a willingness to compromise and sacrifice.
The concept of complementarity in marriage, where partners balance each other's traits and behaviors, is crucial for a successful and fulfilling relationship.
Understanding the complexities and dynamics of marriage, including the need for preparation, communication, and mutual understanding, is essential for long-term success.

01:06:03

Theories and Factors in Partner Selection

Complementarity theory explains attraction between opposites like long and short, fat and thin, calm and angry.
Similarity theory suggests attraction based on shared traits like generosity or physical characteristics.
Parental theory indicates attraction to individuals resembling one's parents in behavior or appearance.
Society theory involves adhering to societal guidelines and norms in partner selection.
Physical attraction theory highlights the role of physical appearance in attracting partners.
Islamic teachings emphasize selecting partners based on religious piety and character.
The story of Moses and the daughters of Shu'ayb in the Quran illustrates the beginning of love and marriage.
Evaluating a potential partner during engagement involves gathering information from the individual, social interactions, family history, and health aspects.
Important questions to ask during engagement include goals in life, social relations, family planning, and health issues.
Understanding family history, genetic diseases, and societal norms are crucial in making informed decisions about marriage.

01:18:28

"Pre-Marital Preparation: Communication, Compromise, Compatibility"

Emphasizes the importance of studying the case thoroughly before marriage, highlighting the need to avoid addictive behaviors like Hashish.
Stresses the significance of a stable and successful marriage, emphasizing that both parties need to understand each other's families equally.
Discusses the necessity of clear agreements and terms during the engagement phase, rather than viewing it as a negotiation.
Illustrates a case where a couple negotiated clothing choices, emphasizing the importance of clear communication and agreement on preferences.
Advocates for discussing important issues like clothing choices, travel, and hobbies before marriage to avoid conflicts later on.
Shares a case where a woman wanted to join a gym but faced resistance from her husband, highlighting the importance of compromise and understanding in relationships.
Emphasizes the need for open communication and understanding of each other's nature in marriage, particularly regarding differences in interests and behaviors between men and women.
Points out that women are more detail-oriented and emotionally intelligent, while men tend to focus on numbers and logic.
Highlights the importance of compatibility between partners for a stable family environment and the balanced development of children.
Explains the differences in how men and women perceive and interact with the world, emphasizing the need for mutual understanding and respect in relationships.

01:30:45

"Love's Evolution in Marriage: A Journey"

Every person has a mixture of male and female hormones, emphasizing the importance of harmony in innate readiness.
Love in marriage evolves through stages, starting with admiration based on looks or interactions, progressing to romantic love estimated to last from one to three years.
Romantic love transitions into cooperative love, characterized by mutual dependence and support, akin to teamwork in football.
After 7-8 years of marriage and having children, love transforms into responsible love, focusing on shared responsibilities and roles within the family.
Continuous intimacy in the marital relationship is crucial to maintaining emotional connection and love, preventing issues on both partners' sides.
Men's focus may shift towards securing the family's future, potentially leading to neglect of intimacy, highlighting the importance of awareness and maintaining a balance.
Emotional apathy, distinct from love dying, can occur due to various factors like health conditions or life circumstances, affecting the emotional bond between partners.
Affection and mercy are emphasized in the Quran for couples, with love not explicitly mentioned, reflecting the diverse nature of love and relationships.
Friendship before love is highlighted as essential in marriage, as it reveals true personalities and responsibilities that may not have been evident during courtship.
Understanding the different ways individuals express love, such as through words, actions, or problem-solving, is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship and addressing potential misunderstandings.

01:45:05

Importance of Expressing Feelings in Relationships

Expressing feelings is crucial in relationships, with women valuing listening and men valuing seeing.
Women appreciate hearing words of praise and need attention through eye contact.
Nizar Qabani emphasizes the importance of expressing feelings and praising beauty.
Praise is essential in relationships and interactions, leading to a deeper connection.
Men often lack understanding of women's emotional needs, leading to oppression.
Men may love multiple women differently, unable to give the same level of affection to each.
Trust and respect are fundamental in marriages, with women prioritizing safety and men valuing respect.
Betrayals in marriages stem from emotional or physical reasons, influenced by upbringing and media portrayals.
Betrayals can be voluntary or coerced, with the Quran referring to them as obscenities.
Obscenity encompasses various forms of betrayal beyond just marital infidelity.

01:59:29

Educational and Marital Betrayal: Impact and Solutions

Educational betrayal is considered harsher than marital betrayal as it involves neglecting the educational upbringing of children, leading to their destruction.
The story of Yousef and the wife of Al-Aziz illustrates betrayal, with the wife betraying her husband due to his weak personality compared to Yousef's beauty and strong personality.
A man's weak personality can lead to his wife's disinterest and betrayal, as women are attracted to men with strong personalities who make decisions and have opinions.
The Quran's mention of the wife of Al-Aziz's betrayal highlights the importance of upbringing in protecting individuals from succumbing to temptation.
Jacob and Yousef's similar responses to betrayal by their children emphasize the significance of upbringing in shaping individuals' reactions to betrayal.
Marriage is about fulfilling each other's needs, with rights and duties that must be met to maintain a healthy relationship.
Maintaining a tender and respectful relationship with one's spouse, as exemplified by Omar bin Al-Khattab, is crucial for a successful marriage.
Setting agreements during engagement, such as resolving arguments within a specific timeframe, can contribute to the longevity of a marriage.
Diplomacy and intelligence are essential in dealing with parental intervention in a marriage, respecting elders while navigating disagreements.
Approaching marital problems with five rules, including putting aside the idea of complete resolution and focusing on other constructive fields, can aid in resolving conflicts effectively.

02:11:28

Navigating Relationships: Coexistence, Employment, and Divorce

Coexistence and employment fields are crucial in dealing with problems and benefiting from faults.
Coexistence involves understanding when someone is angry, what triggers their anger, and avoiding those triggers to reduce anger.
Employment means utilizing faults for personal benefit, like letting someone else handle problems instead of addressing them.
Differentiating between obligations towards parents and spouses is essential to maintain a healthy marital life.
Overlooking issues and not focusing on every detail is vital for a successful marriage.
Understanding how to solve problems in a relationship requires patience and time, as quick fixes are often ineffective.
A case study involving a man with multiple relationships highlights the need for patience and gradual change in resolving complex issues.
The longest problem the speaker worked on was for 22 years, emphasizing the importance of perseverance in solving relationship issues.
Patience, faith, and dedication are key in successfully resolving marital problems and achieving positive outcomes.
Knowing when divorce is the right choice in a relationship requires careful consideration of the circumstances and the potential for resolution.

02:24:19

Men's Emotional Suppression in Divorce Studies

Divorce is easier for men socially, but scientific studies suggest men suffer more due to suppressing emotions.
Women express themselves more post-divorce, finding comfort in talking, while men may appear indifferent but are internally broken.
The Qur'an encourages successful divorce, detailing procedures before, during, and after divorce for a kind separation.
The Surah of divorce emphasizes the importance of family stability, warning against increased divorce rates leading to societal disintegration.
Successful divorce involves agreements before, during, and after divorce, focusing on children's well-being, education, and upbringing.
A successful divorce example involves a family continuing traditions post-divorce, showing kindness and consideration for all members involved.
Patience, coexistence, and communication are essential for resolving marital issues before considering divorce.
Modern society's lack of patience and focus on individualism contribute to high divorce rates, emphasizing the need for patience and social connections for successful marriages.

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