Why Narcissist Devalues YOU (Hint: Wants YOU "Dead") - Binary Narcissism

Prof. Sam Vaknin・2 minutes read

The narcissist devalues and criticizes their partner to maintain control and conformity to their idealized image, leading to emotional manipulation and abuse in the relationship. This behavior stems from the narcissist's internal emptiness and desire to dominate, resulting in a constant internal battle and cycle of devaluation between their overt and covert sides.

Insights

  • The narcissist devalues, humiliates, and criticizes the partner to maintain control and adherence to their idealized image, creating a toxic environment that erodes the partner's sense of self-worth and autonomy.
  • The transition between overt and covert narcissistic states involves a complex internal struggle within the narcissist, leading to a split personality dynamic where the overt side dominates and collaborates with external parties to suppress and undermine the covert side, perpetuating a cycle of devaluation and emotional manipulation in the relationship.

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Recent questions

  • How does a narcissist devalue their partner?

    By criticizing, humiliating, and denigrating them unnecessarily.

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Summary

00:00

"Narcissistic Devaluation: Undermining Relationships and Autonomy"

  • The narcissist devalues, humiliates, denigrates, and criticizes the intimate partner unnecessarily, creating a negative atmosphere and undermining the relationship.
  • The narcissist devalues the partner because they refuse to conform to the idealized image the narcissist has of them, provoking aggression when the partner deviates from this image.
  • Challenging the narcissist's grandiosity by acting independently and autonomously triggers anxiety and leads to devaluation as a defense mechanism.
  • The narcissist wants the partner dead because they are already emotionally dead inside, seeking to kill the partner's spirit and infect them with their own emptiness.
  • The narcissist feels safe and alive only in a shared fantasy where the partner becomes a reflection of the narcissist's idealized self, leading to the partner's gradual emotional death.
  • The narcissist offers unconditional love but demands the partner to surrender their autonomy and identity, leading to a Faustian deal where the partner loses themselves in the narcissist's delusional world.
  • Devaluation is a key aspect of narcissistic abuse, with two types - preemptive and reactive, influenced by the narcissist's transition between overt and covert narcissistic states.
  • The narcissist's transition between overt and covert states involves a collapse due to a prolonged lack of narcissistic supply, leading to a binary system where the overt side dominates and humiliates the covert side.
  • The overt side of the narcissist, in charge of grandiosity, interacts with potential sources of narcissistic supply while detesting and undermining the covert side, creating a split personality dynamic.
  • The overt side colludes with others to further suppress and depress the covert side, perpetuating the cycle of devaluation and emotional manipulation in the narcissistic relationship.

22:54

"Narcissists' Internal Battle for Dominance"

  • The covert and overt sides of a narcissist engage in a constant internal battle, with the overt side using various weapons against the covert side.
  • The overt narcissist collaborates with others to turn them against the covert side, creating a coalition against the covert to establish dominance.
  • Both the overt and covert sides share the same intelligence and awareness, with the covert preemptively devaluing anyone the overt is in contact with to protect itself.
  • Narcissists can transition between overt and covert states, with some getting stuck in a transitional period where they exhibit traits of both types simultaneously.
  • The covert side actively devalues potential sources of supply that the overt interacts with to prevent them from being used as weapons against the covert.
  • In the dynamic between overt and covert narcissists, the covert undermines the overt's efforts by losing interest in shared projects and denying opportunities for collaboration with others.
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