"Make Love of Your Self Perfect”, with Tara Brach

Tara Brach40 minutes read

Embracing self-compassion and self-love allows individuals to overcome self-judgment and reconnect with their inherent goodness, leading to healing and freedom. Through practices like RAIN meditation and spiritual reparenting, one can dissolve feelings of unworthiness, fostering a sense of belonging and tenderness within.

Insights

  • Habitual self-judgment creates a deep chasm within us, fostering suffering and alienation from others, while embracing self-compassion and love can heal this divide and restore our innate goodness.
  • Society's influence on our self-perception can lead to a pervasive sense of unworthiness, triggering self-soothing behaviors; however, through practices like spiritual reparenting and perfect self-love, we can dissolve this illusion of separation, fostering tenderness and connection within ourselves.

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Recent questions

  • How can self-judgment impact our relationships?

    Self-judgment creates an abyss that locks us in suffering and distances us from others. When we constantly criticize and judge ourselves, it becomes challenging to connect authentically with those around us. This habit of self-judgment not only affects our self-esteem but also hinders our ability to form meaningful relationships. By focusing on loving ourselves into healing and freedom, we can break free from this cycle of self-criticism and reconnect with our basic goodness, fostering healthier interactions with others.

  • What is the importance of belonging to human survival?

    Belonging is fundamental to human survival as severed belonging leads to fear and self-soothing behaviors like overconsumption or self-harm. When we feel disconnected or isolated, it triggers a primal response that threatens our well-being. The need for belonging is deeply ingrained in us, shaping our behaviors and emotions. Recognizing and nurturing a sense of belonging is crucial for our mental and emotional health, allowing us to feel secure and supported in our relationships and communities.

  • How can chronic self-monitoring affect our presence?

    Chronic self-monitoring leads to a sense of not being fully present, as we are constantly preoccupied with evaluating ourselves and others. This habit of monitoring our thoughts, actions, and appearance can create a barrier to experiencing the present moment fully. By acknowledging and naming this monitoring, we can begin to detach from it and cultivate a greater sense of mindfulness. Letting go of the need to constantly judge ourselves allows us to be more present and engaged in our daily experiences.

  • What is the concept of spiritual reparenting?

    Spiritual reparenting involves trusting one's inherent goodness and overcoming the closed heart that hinders self-love. This process entails nurturing and caring for oneself in a way that fosters self-compassion and acceptance. By re-parenting ourselves with love and kindness, we can heal past wounds and cultivate a deeper sense of self-worth. Embracing our inherent goodness and letting go of self-judgment allows us to dissolve the illusion of separation and connect with the boundless tenderness within us.

  • How can the RAIN meditation technique help with self-judgment?

    The RAIN meditation technique, focusing on recognizing, allowing, investigating, and nurturing, can address the trance of unworthiness and self-judgment. By acknowledging and accepting our feelings of self-doubt and aversion, we can explore the underlying beliefs and emotions that contribute to these patterns. Through gentle investigation and self-compassion, we can nurture ourselves with kindness and understanding, gradually shifting from self-judgment to self-love. This practice can lead to a realization of being the loving awareness that holds our lives, fostering a sense of freedom and acceptance.

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Summary

00:00

Embracing self-love for healing and freedom

  • Thomas Merton quote: "What a veil is it if we can travel to the moon if we cannot cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves."
  • Practice aims to bring intimacy with life, crossing conditioning that disconnects us from ourselves and others.
  • Instructions from a yoga teacher to embrace all parts of ourselves, even the difficult ones.
  • Initial response to difficulties is often to ignore, get rid of, or judge ourselves.
  • Concept of being shot by two arrows: first arrow is the painful emotion, second arrow is self-judgment.
  • Habit of self-judgment creates an abyss that locks us in suffering and distances us from others.
  • Focus on loving ourselves into healing and freedom, reconnecting with our basic goodness.
  • Reflecting on the trance of unworthiness and its impact on daily life and relationships.
  • Society's influence on self-perception, shaping beliefs about worthiness and belonging.
  • Need for belonging is fundamental to human survival, severed belonging leads to fear and self-soothing behaviors like overconsumption or self-harm.

21:23

Embracing Self-Love for Healing and Freedom

  • Self-aversion is a daily struggle, with constant anxiety about others' opinions and high standards causing feelings of inadequacy and mistakes.
  • Chronic self-monitoring leads to a sense of not being fully present, but naming this monitoring can help detach from it.
  • Trance of self-division arises from fear, doubt, and self-judgment, clouding one's true self-awareness.
  • Reflecting on self-judgment and aversion during a retreat can reveal areas of harsh self-criticism and unforgiveness.
  • Spiritual reparenting involves trusting one's inherent goodness and overcoming the closed heart that hinders self-love.
  • Srinivasargadatta's teaching emphasizes the need for perfect self-love to dissolve the illusion of separation and reveal boundless tenderness within.
  • Loving oneself means embracing the aliveness in each moment, not the narrative self, leading to increased freedom and healing.
  • Practicing self-compassion through meta can be challenging due to feelings of unworthiness and hypocrisy, but regular practice strengthens neural pathways.
  • Difficulty in letting in love stems from past wounds and insecurities, hindering the embodiment of care and self-compassion.
  • Prayer and intentionality in letting in love can dissolve armoring and open the heart to belonging, bridging the gap between longing and healing.

42:47

Embracing Love: From Self-Judgment to Freedom

  • The power of the word and the hug of gravity are highlighted as ways to feel love and belonging, starting with the natural force of gravity showing our connection to the earth.
  • Love is described as always present and accessible, with practice allowing individuals to feel the universal loving awareness and sense love always being available.
  • Experimentation and practice are encouraged to strengthen the ability to let in love, using different approaches and techniques to find what works best.
  • Opening directly to the suffering of not belonging, including fear, grief, shame, and pain, is discussed as a way to awaken the heart, combining mindfulness and compassion in the process.
  • Trauma related to not belonging is addressed, emphasizing the importance of nurturing and creating a sense of safety before delving into the most painful aspects.
  • An example is shared of a woman of color finding healing and empowerment through bearing witness to the trial of George Floyd's murderer, highlighting the importance of accessing tenderness and kindness.
  • The RAIN meditation technique is introduced, focusing on recognizing, allowing, investigating, and nurturing to address the trance of unworthiness and self-judgment.
  • The process of investigating self-doubt and aversion is detailed, including identifying beliefs about oneself, exploring the impact on life, and nurturing with self-compassion and love.
  • The shift from self-judgment to self-love is emphasized, with the practice leading to a realization of being the loving awareness that holds one's life, ultimately finding freedom and acceptance.
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