Why People Pleasing is Hurting You | Salma Hindy | TEDxUofT
TEDx Talks・16 minutes read
Joanne struggles with people-pleasing due to her upbringing and seeks validation from others, leading to a lack of responsibility for her decisions. Through self-reflection and reclaiming autonomy, she breaks free from people-pleasing, finding genuine self-expression and success in her journey into comedy and self-acceptance.
Insights
- People-pleasing behavior can be rooted in a fear of disapproval or discomfort, similar to other coping mechanisms like substance use or shopping.
- Joanne's journey highlights the importance of self-reflection and reclaiming autonomy in decision-making to break free from people-pleasing tendencies, enabling genuine self-expression and personal growth.
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Recent questions
What is people-pleasing?
A: People-pleasing is a behavior where individuals constantly agree to favors for others, struggling to say no, often stemming from a desire to avoid disapproval or discomfort.
How can one overcome people-pleasing tendencies?
A: Overcoming people-pleasing tendencies involves self-reflection to distinguish personal desires from the need for validation, reclaiming autonomy in decision-making to avoid resentment and regrets.
What role did comedy play in Joanne's life?
A: Comedy became a coping mechanism for Joanne during her challenging engineering studies and later caused conflict with her conservative family when she decided to pursue stand-up comedy.
Why is people-pleasing not considered noble?
A: People-pleasing is not noble as it stems from fear and codependency, hindering personal growth and decision-making, but breaking free from it allows for genuine self-expression and success.
How did Joanne's upbringing influence her people-pleasing behavior?
A: Joanne's upbringing in a strict Muslim household led to a codependent relationship with her parents, contributing to her struggle with people-pleasing tendencies and seeking validation from others.
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Summary
00:00
Breaking Free: Overcoming People-Pleasing for Autonomy
- Joanne, a people pleaser, is constantly agreeing to favors for others, struggling to say no.
- People pleasing can stem from a desire to avoid disapproval or discomfort, similar to using substances or shopping.
- Joanne's upbringing in a strict Muslim household led to a codependent relationship with her parents.
- Comedy became a coping mechanism for Joanne during her challenging engineering studies.
- Joanne's decision to pursue stand-up comedy caused conflict with her conservative family.
- Joanne's struggle with people-pleasing led her to seek validation from others, avoiding responsibility for her decisions.
- A friend's question prompts Joanne to confront her people-pleasing tendencies and seek authenticity in her choices.
- Joanne realizes the hypocrisy of people-pleasing logic, where decisions are judged differently based on outcomes.
- Joanne encourages self-reflection to distinguish personal desires from people-pleasing tendencies.
- Joanne advocates for reclaiming autonomy in decision-making to avoid resentment and regrets from people-pleasing.
15:25
Breaking free from people-pleasing for success.
- People-pleasing is not noble; it stems from fear and codependency, hindering personal growth and decision-making, but breaking free from it allows for genuine self-expression and success, as seen in the speaker's journey into comedy and self-acceptance.
