What is Erotic Intelligence? | Esther Perel

Mindvalley Talks・2 minutes read

Esther emphasizes posing questions to others rather than giving answers, highlighting her focus on fostering open, meaningful conversations about relationships and intimacy. She introduces her new audio series, "Where Should We Begin," featuring unscripted counseling sessions with anonymous couples to provide insight into real relationship dynamics.

Insights

  • Esther prioritizes posing questions to others over providing immediate answers, emphasizing her reluctance to be seen as a model with all the answers.
  • Relational intelligence, as highlighted by Esther, involves fostering meaningful connections through understanding, respect, shared values, trust, and dreaming together, emphasizing self-acceptance, emotional connection, and valuing quality over quantifiable aspects of intimacy.

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Recent questions

  • What is Esther's focus in her work?

    Esther focuses on fostering meaningful conversations about relationships.

  • How does Esther approach intimacy in relationships?

    Esther emphasizes the experience, meaning, and beauty of intimacy.

  • What is the purpose of Esther's audio series?

    Esther's audio series aims to provide insight into real relationship dynamics.

  • How does Esther define relational intelligence?

    Relational intelligence involves understanding how to connect, respect, share values, trust, and dream with others.

  • What challenges does digital communication pose in relationships?

    Digital communication challenges relationship accountability, leading to behaviors like ghosting and simmering.

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Summary

00:00

"Esther: Relationship Expert and Podcast Host"

  • Esther addresses common questions about her identity, work, and personal life, emphasizing her focus on posing questions to others rather than providing immediate answers.
  • She highlights her reluctance to talk extensively about herself to avoid being seen as a model or someone who has everything figured out.
  • Esther reveals she has been married for 34 years and has two sons aged 20 and 23, describing her relationship as experiencing multiple "marriages" within one committed partnership.
  • As a psychologist specializing in working with couples from diverse backgrounds, Esther aims to foster open, meaningful, and challenging conversations about relationships.
  • Growing up in a community of Holocaust survivors, Esther draws inspiration from those who embraced life fully, emphasizing the importance of connecting with one's aliveness and vitality.
  • Esther introduces her new audio series, "Where Should We Begin," featuring unscripted counseling sessions with anonymous couples, aiming to provide insight into real relationship dynamics.
  • The series delves into intimate conversations between couples, allowing listeners to reflect on their own relationships and gain vocabulary for challenging discussions.
  • Esther focuses on the importance of eroticism in relationships, emphasizing the experience, meaning, and beauty of intimacy over mere physical acts.
  • She guides couples in improving communication by integrating each other's experiences and viewpoints, fostering a sense of unity and understanding.
  • Esther underscores the significance of relational intelligence in fostering erotic experiences, highlighting the need for self-acceptance, emotional connection, and a shift towards valuing quality over quantifiable aspects of intimacy.

16:41

Enhancing Relational Skills in Modern Relationships

  • Feeling connected, known, seen, and having a sense of purpose is crucial in an economy of service and experience.
  • Relational intelligence involves understanding how to connect, respect, share values, trust, and dream with others.
  • Intelligence can be cultivated to enhance relational skills.
  • Emphasizes the importance of focusing on more than just completing tasks, but also attending to other aspects while working.
  • Encourages changing language and focusing on the whole body, not just genitals, in intimate relationships.
  • Therapy of indulgence is about experiencing pleasure for its own sake and asking oneself what they truly like.
  • Success in relationships involves different approaches for different individuals, such as focusing on oneself or others, transforming shame into guilt, becoming more thoughtful or vocal, or even being silent.
  • Relationship accountability is challenged by digital communication, leading to ghosting, simmering, and icing behaviors, creating stable ambiguity and uncertainty.
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