Repairing Self-Abandonment: People Pleasing, Anxious Attachment, and Developing Self-Worth
Forrest Hanson・56 minutes read
Self-abandonment involves neglecting one's needs to please others, often stemming from a desire for security and acceptance. Overcoming self-abandonment requires addressing fears of expressing true selves, fostering authentic communication, and developing inner strengths and self-worth.
Insights
- Self-abandonment involves neglecting one's needs and true self to prioritize others, often stemming from a desire for security and acceptance, leading to a disconnection from one's authentic desires and boundaries.
- Overcoming self-abandonment requires integrating fragmented parts of oneself through authentic communication, developing strengths in authenticity and self-expression, and challenging beliefs driving self-abandonment behaviors, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing self-care and self-worth.
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Recent questions
What is self-abandonment?
Self-abandonment involves neglecting one's authentic wants and boundaries to meet external expectations or serve others. It can lead to disconnect from one's true self.
How does self-abandonment manifest?
Self-abandonment can manifest in behaviors like always saying yes to others, neglecting one's needs, and attacking oneself. It is often rooted in a need for security and acceptance.
What are common issues related to self-abandonment?
Common issues related to self-abandonment include fears of abandonment, low self-worth, and a lack of connection with one's inner desires. These issues can contribute to self-abandonment patterns.
How can self-abandonment be addressed in therapy?
Approaching self-abandonment in therapy involves providing empathy, addressing fears of revealing one's true self, and facilitating authentic communication to integrate fragmented parts of oneself. Reintegrating split-off parts through authentic communication can help overcome self-abandonment patterns.
What techniques can help combat self-abandonment?
Techniques like affirming statements, cognitive restructuring, and accessing inner support and allies can help combat self-abandonment. Embracing a sense of healthy entitlement and dignity is also proposed as a way to counter self-abandonment.
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Summary
00:00
Understanding and Overcoming Self-Abandonment Patterns
- Self-abandonment involves going against one's authentic wants, emotions, and boundaries to serve others or meet external expectations.
- Common features of self-abandonment include neglecting oneself in favor of others, often rooted in a need for security and acceptance.
- Self-abandonment can manifest in behaviors like always saying yes to others, leading to a disconnect from one's true self.
- Internalizing behaviors from childhood or past experiences can contribute to self-abandonment patterns.
- Self-abandonment can progress from neglecting one's needs to actively attacking oneself, often influenced by past relationships or experiences.
- Differentiating self-abandonment from a positive pro-social orientation towards others is crucial.
- The function of self-abandonment is often driven by a need for security, leading individuals to disconnect from their true selves.
- Common issues related to self-abandonment include fears of abandonment, low self-worth, and a lack of connection with one's inner desires.
- Approaching self-abandonment in therapy involves providing empathy, addressing fears of revealing one's true self, and facilitating authentic communication to integrate fragmented parts of oneself.
- Reintegrating split-off parts of oneself through authentic communication can help individuals overcome self-abandonment patterns and foster healing.
16:12
Strengthen Authentic Self-Expression for Effective Communication
- People need to develop strengths related to authenticity and self-expression to tackle issues effectively.
- Resource people to convince them that it's safe to express their true aspects.
- Self-abandonment tendencies often lead to shame, creating a double bind situation.
- Resourcing individuals to address fears of self-expression and self-criticism is crucial.
- The Triangular Track model involves being mindful of authentic self-expression, fears of dreaded experiences, and inhibitions against self-expression.
- Gradually help individuals become aware of the Triangular Track process and start risking dreaded experiences like saying no.
- Encourage individuals to observe how others communicate effectively to build confidence in self-expression.
- Develop a "caring committee" inside to support oneself in expressing needs and feelings confidently.
- Object relations theory highlights the importance of differentiation and autonomy in relationships.
- Techniques like affirming statements can help individuals combat self-abandonment and prioritize their own thoughts and needs.
33:16
Overcoming self-abandonment through cognitive and psychedelic approaches.
- The belief that safety can only be derived from external sources is a key issue discussed.
- Cognitive approaches are suggested to help individuals realize the inaccuracies of past predictions and expectations.
- Psychedelic experiences are mentioned as a way to disrupt expectations and reduce the likelihood of negative outcomes.
- Encouraging individuals to recognize their increased capacity to cope with challenges compared to their younger selves is recommended.
- Accessing inner support and allies, as well as tapping into healthy anger, is advised to combat self-abandonment.
- Embracing a sense of healthy entitlement and dignity is proposed as a way to counter self-abandonment.
- The impact of self-abandonment on different populations, particularly women and minorities, is highlighted.
- The influence of culture and upbringing on self-abandonment is discussed, emphasizing the importance of reclaiming one's whole self.
- The importance of acknowledging objective safety concerns while addressing self-abandonment is stressed.
- Techniques for working through self-abandonment in relationships, such as grieving and scripting out conversations, are suggested.
50:10
Improving Relationships Through Deliberate Interactions
- Visualize interactions as creating a mini movie, imagining responses and resolutions.
- Rehearse interactions in advance for effective communication.
- Recognize resistance in relationships as a significant issue.
- Be aware of falling into familiar relationship scripts and strive for deliberate interactions.
- Shift into new ways of interacting and observe responses from others.
- Note resistance to change in different systems, especially romantic relationships.
- Utilize the linking technique to heal past wounds and soothe inner conflicts.
- Consider cognitive restructuring to challenge and change self-abandonment beliefs.
- Identify common beliefs driving self-abandonment behaviors.
- Address self-abandonment by prioritizing authenticity, self-care, and self-worth.
01:06:09
Breaking Cycles: Transforming Relationships Through New Scripts
- Changing relationship patterns involves identifying repetitive behaviors and constructing new scripts to break the cycle, as discussed in the podcast episode with Rick. To support the podcast, listeners are encouraged to subscribe and can also contribute on Patreon for additional benefits.
