How longing keeps us from healthy relationships | Amanda McCracken | TEDxCU

Recent questions

• What are the negative effects of longing?

  Longing can lead to unhealthy patterns and behaviors, creating an addictive cycle that offers comfort and control but ultimately prevents individuals from fully engaging in the present moment. It can result in dissatisfaction with one's current circumstances, fostering a constant yearning for unattainable ideals or relationships. This perpetual state of longing can hinder personal growth, as individuals may become fixated on what they lack rather than appreciating what they have. Additionally, longing can contribute to feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth, as individuals may believe that fulfillment lies in external factors rather than within themselves.

• How can societal influences impact longing?

  Societal influences, media portrayals, and personal experiences can significantly impact an individual's sense of longing. Messages from society and the media often promote unattainable ideals of beauty, success, and relationships, leading individuals to believe that they need to strive for these unrealistic standards to find happiness. Personal experiences, such as past traumas or unmet needs, can also fuel feelings of longing by creating a sense of lack or incompleteness. These external influences can shape an individual's desires and expectations, influencing the way they perceive themselves and the world around them.

• Why is it important to break patterns of longing?

  Breaking patterns of longing is crucial for personal growth and emotional well-being. Longing can prevent individuals from fully engaging in the present moment and appreciating the blessings in their lives. By constantly yearning for what they lack, individuals may overlook the beauty and opportunities that surround them, leading to feelings of dissatisfaction and unfulfillment. Breaking free from the cycle of longing allows individuals to cultivate a sense of gratitude, self-acceptance, and contentment with their current circumstances. It enables them to focus on personal growth, relationships, and experiences that bring genuine joy and fulfillment, rather than chasing unattainable desires.

• How does neuroscience explain the addictive nature of longing?

  Neuroscience suggests that the brain craves what it doesn't have, releasing dopamine in anticipation of desires, which can lead to addictive behaviors. When individuals long for something, whether it's a material possession, a relationship, or a life experience, their brain responds by producing dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. This dopamine release creates a sense of anticipation and excitement, reinforcing the desire for the object of longing. Over time, this cycle of anticipation and reward can become addictive, as individuals seek out more experiences that trigger dopamine release, perpetuating the cycle of longing and desire.

• How can individuals break free from the cycle of longing?

  Individuals can break free from the cycle of longing by recognizing and challenging their patterns of desire and attachment. This process involves cultivating self-awareness, identifying the root causes of their longing, and exploring healthier coping mechanisms to address unmet needs. Seeking support from therapists, counselors, or support groups can also be beneficial in gaining insight into one's patterns of longing and developing strategies to overcome them. By practicing mindfulness, self-compassion, and gratitude, individuals can learn to appreciate the present moment, accept themselves fully, and cultivate a sense of inner peace and contentment that transcends external desires. Embracing self-worth, trust, and the ability to receive love without longing for it are essential steps in breaking free from the addictive cycle of longing.